Who Am I To Say, "This Isn't the Right Horse For You?"

Twice in my career I've played a part in convincing riders that their horses were not the right horses for them. Neither incident sat well with me. Both felt "off" somehow. The second one, in particular, changed me dramatically as a professional. It happened several years ago...

A young woman brought in a horse on a pre-purchase trial. In the course of getting to know him, she discovered that the horse was not adverse to striking out at her on the lunge line. When neither she nor her riding instructor could solve the issue, they asked for my help. I gave it a go, but the more pressure I put on the horse to move forward, the more violently he'd strike out with his front hooves.

The riding instructor thought the young woman should search for a different horse, and I agreed. My words to her were something like, "There are a lot of horses that don't have this habit. Go find one of them." She was really disappointed because she already felt some sort of connection with this horse. She decided to pass on him, though, based in part on my advice.

A couple of months later, a different instructor brought that very same horse back to the barn to try him out for one of her young students. I was concerned but, lo and behold, the striking-out was no longer an issue. The parents purchased him and he turned out to be a great horse for their teenage daughter.

It was a thoroughly humbling experience for me...and priceless. Here are just a few things I learned:

• My once poor opinion of that horse was not an accurate reflection of the horse. It was, however, a perfect reflection of where I was at as a trainer at the time. (I remind myself of that every time I even think of forming a negative opinion of a horse.)

• No matter how much I think I know, there is always more for me to learn... so much more. 

• Telling someone "this is not the right horse for you" is really an inaccurate way of saying "I don't know how to help you succeed with this horse." It's inaccurate because it implies there is something lacking in the horse or the rider; whereas, the latter statement places the insufficiency where it truly lies...in my current training/teaching ability. (No wonder both incidents felt "off" somehow.) 

Knowing what I know now, I'm loathe to say a horse "isn't right" or is "too much horse" for anyone. I feel like there is an over-abundance of that going on as it is. It discourages riders from exploring their potential as horse-handlers and trainers, and plenty of good horses fall through the cracks because of it. I prefer to support the "you can succeed with any horse you choose" mindset because it's the truth for every one of us.

I'm grateful things turned out well for that horse. He found a good home because he ran into a better trainer, one that drew out the best in him and got him over that aggressive behavior. He found a good home despite me, but I'm well aware of the fact that he could've wound up in a kill-pen had he kept running into the type of trainer I was at the time. Not my proudest moment, but one that impelled me to check my ego on a regular basis to give every horse a chance... and one that impelled me to up my game big time. 

In the years hence, I've met many horses that presented the same striking-out behavior. I've gotten them all past it simply by being more assertive in asking them to go forward. If I had it to do over again, I would not give up so easily on that horse, or myself.

I'm glad things turned out well for the young woman, too. She wound up purchasing a different horse and is very happy with her decision. Just look at her, though...

Ashley Tittle and Lyon, Hunters Run Horse Trials
(photo credit, here and above: Madison Collier)

... it's not like she's some shrinking violet. How could I have ever doubted she could succeed with any horse? Again, not my proudest moment, but one that makes me strive harder to keep my ego out of the mix... to not saddle others with my own fears or inadequacies. If I ever have to say "I don't know how to help you succeed with this horse," you best believe I will follow up with, "...but I bet someone else does."

I know other professionals have thoughts on this subject, and I look forward to hearing them. How do you go about balancing your responsibility for the safety of your students while encouraging them to extend their boundaries as equestrians? 

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" I am a huge supporter of your book.  I had been thinking about selling my horse due to her behavior and my fear.  Got to the point where I would have severe anxiety whenever I thought about riding.  Saw an ad for your book on Facebook and thought, "What do I have to lose?"  and purchased it.  I have been working with her ... for a little over a week and the change in myself and her is amazing.  Thank you."

-Shannon Guinan

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QUICK TIPS FOR SAFE, CALM HORSE-SHOWING

If you are traveling to horse shows this year and have even the slightest inkling that your horse might be nervous coming off the trailer, get out ahead of that situation now. Don't just wait to see how your horse will handle the show environment. Plan on helping him handle it calmly. Here are a few tips.

Up until the show:

1. Give up habits that don't work in your favor, such as thinking and talking about either you or your horse being nervous at shows in the past. The past is in the past. It means nothing. Let it go.
2. Remind yourself daily that it is up to you as the leader to set the tone at horse shows by staying calm yourself. That's your number one job. Everything else comes secondary to that.
3. Create momentum in your favor by thinking and talking about how calm you are going to be at the show, how you are going to breathe deeply and not overreact to anything. Your horse is going to feed off your energy, so talk about how you are going to provide all the cool, calm energy he could possibly need.
4. Most importantly, take your horse through some bomb-proofing exercises to prepare the both of you for sights and sounds at horse shows, such as tents, flags, loud noises, etc. Bear in mind that the purpose of bomb-proofing not to desensitize your horse to sights and sounds, but rather to get yourself in the habit of getting your horse to pay attention to you despite sights and sounds. (My book provides clear, concise instruction if you need help getting started.)

Day of the show:

1. Arrive at the show early to give yourself plenty of time to help your horse relax.
2. Once you get your horse off the trailer, take him for a walk around the show grounds keeping this important point in mind: for your walk to settle your horse's nerves, you must walk with that purpose and provide guidance toward that purpose. (That's the part many people don't get.) A simple but effective way to provide that guidance is to ask your horse to halt and back up whenever he crowds your space, pulls on the lead rope, or just seems to be paying attention to everything but you. Whether you have to ask for the halt/back-up five, ten, or one hundred times, it doesn't matter. What matters is that you calmly, consistently, unemotionally keep on asking until your horse is walking calmly by your side.

Allowing your horse to come into a state of calmness before warming up or asking any more of him will get your show experience off on a wonderful note. Good luck! I wish you fun and safety this show season.

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"Just got your book and I can't put it down! Packed with knowledge and instruction, can't wait to pass on the gold!"

-Katie Keller Trosclair

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FEAR VS. RESPECT: Why the Debate?

After tackling submission and cooperation in my last post, I thought it would be helpful to shed some insight on fear and respect. Many professionals tip toe around these words with statements like, "You don't want your horse to fear you, but you do want him to respect you." Sounds lovely, but it also sounds like a debate...as if there is something wrong with one and something right with the other. I think riders should understand that horses see right with both.

To gain clarity, it's helpful to look first at the definitions of the two words. Fear is a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger or pain. For protective purposes, Mother Nature endowed horses and humans with the ability to both feel fear and arouse fear in others. That capacity is a crucial part of the emotional guidance systems for both species, a part that helps protect us from harm.

Respect, on the other hand, is esteem for the worth of a being and offering proper courtesy. True, deep-down respect comes from understanding and appreciating the whole of a being, not just the parts with which we are initially comfortable.

Many people are comfortable with the gentle side of the horse's nature...but not so much the horse's stronger side, the side that causes them to feel fear. Quite often when horses start biting, kicking or threatening people, folks start thinking something is wrong with them. The horses' value starts to plummet...in people's minds anyway, but certainly not in the horses'.

One of the most interesting things about horses is that their own respect for themselves is always in tact. There's no reason for it not to be. Horses don't teach each other there is anything shameful with any of them, so they never learn to doubt or question their own self-worth. In that regard, horses do not need us to hold them in high esteem to feel good about themselves.

I believe this is what draws us to them, and other animals, more than anything else. It's refreshing, uplifting, and often a huge relief being in the presence of creatures that really, truly like themselves. There is a ton of worry associated with destroying that spirit but, as far as I can tell, humans do not have that capability. 

We do, however, have the ability to misinterpret horse behavior. Horses that steam-roll their humans are often seen as spoiled...as having no respect. That's not the case at all. They are actually showing respect to their humans by bullying them. They do the same with other horses for two reasons:

1. As prey animals, horses are driven by instinct to gain the strength and speed needed to defend themselves from predators.
2. As herd animals, they are driven to help other members of the herd learn to defend themselves as well. Horses neither get nor give free passes on this because individual accountability makes for a strong herd.

Horses can sense a weak link like nobody's business. And when they do, they provide those herd members (whether horse or human!) opportunities to learn how to stand up for themselves. It is not disrespect. It is schooling. Humans who step up to the challenge become an asset to the herd. Those who don't remain a hindrance...and have no idea the stress and anxiety they cause their horses.

I think professionals in this industry can alleviate much of that stress by debating less and clarifying more. Nothing wrong with saying straight up, "It is perfectly reasonable to cause a horse to feel fear of you in necessary defense of your own body. Horses can handle it. They know there is something fierce in you. They need to know it is fierce enough to protect them. They will never come to fear you for it."

Folks who start realizing this do not all of the sudden begin gaining respect from horses. The horses' respect has been there all along. What they gain is an understanding and appreciation for the stronger side of their own nature...thus a deeper respect for the whole of the horse's nature as well.

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15 Minutes Crucial to Riding Students

Each week, before climbing in the saddle for her riding lesson, nine-year old Audrey spends several minutes working with her horse on the ground. Ask her why and she'll tell you, "To make sure he's calm and paying attention to me." If you think the time she spends doing this isn't crucial, think again. 

In those moments on the ground, Audrey is getting a feel for her horse's mood that day. If he seems distracted, she is learning how to help him focus. If he seems sluggish, she is learning how to rev up his energy. If her horse seems anxious, she is learning how to calm him down. She is developing good leadership skills, while building a trusting bond with the horse. Most importantly, Audrey is practicing making good decisions for her both her own safety and her horse's. 

Recently Audrey was riding in a semi-private lesson when her horse alerted to a commotion outside the arena and came to a sudden halt. She attempted to press him forward but the horse starting getting nervous. Beginning to feel a bit nervous herself, Audrey hopped down and took the horse through several exercises to calm and refocus the both of them. When she climbed back in the saddle, she was able to ride safely past the commotion which was still underway.

In comparison, it wasn't that long ago that I witnessed a seventeen year-old prepare for a riding lesson by walking her horse into the arena and climbing immediately into the saddle. Within seconds her horse took off, bolting full-speed for several harrowing laps around the arena before she managed to get him to stop. When the instructor arrived moments later and asked the shaken teenager what happened, she replied, "I don't know. He just took off. I could tell he was a little nervous when I was getting on, but I didn't expect that."

She probably would have seen it coming a mile away had she received the leadership education Audrey's been receiving. It's no fluke that one horse bolted and the other one didn't. Leadership education is the difference between a rider who is prepared to prevent a horse from panicking and one who isn't. It's the difference between a rider who solves behavior issues and a rider who has no idea she is causing them.

Ask Audrey what's her most important job as an equestrian and she'll tell you, "To keep myself and my horse safe." She knows the fun she has riding depends on it. I'm not sure what the seventeen year-old's answer would be, but I do know this: the longer she remains in riding lessons without developing some decent leadership skills, the greater her chances of getting injured.

It doesn't have to take more than 15 minutes per lesson to help students develop good leadership skills. But, for leadership education to become normal in lesson programs, it most certainly takes riding instructors, students (of all ages) and parents understanding how crucial those 15 minutes are. 

Please join the challenge to create a safer riding lesson industry.

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"Best book on the market. I recommend it to all my clients. Easy to read and understand. Highly recommend this book for all equestrians."     - Susan Dudasik

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TALK YOURSELF OUT OF FEAR AND INTO CONFIDENCE

When Emma arrived at the barn for her first lesson with me, she was beyond scared of horses. She was so terrified of them a huge part of her wanted to turn around and go home before we even got started. A handful of harrowing experiences had already taught her just how dangerous horses can be. Emma didn't need me painting a rosy picture for her. What she needed was for me to validate her concerns, and then provide her an arsenal of tools to help her take good care of herself. Doubting she has that ability is what caused her fear in the first place.

Fear is something everyone can relate to, even the seemingly fearless. Case in point, a phenomenal horseman I knew ages ago had a small barn cat he loved immensely. One cold winter morning, he started up his truck having no idea the cat had crawled into the warm engine during the night to sleep. Sadly, turning the key killed the little cat...and brought that brave, confident cowboy so much heartache he couldn't bring himself to even pet another cat for fear of falling in love with one again. Fear is fear, and we all embrace it out of self-preservation because we don't like pain...whether emotional or physical.

Let's face it, getting bitten and stepped on by horses hurts. Falling off horses hurts. Getting bucked off horses hurts even more. Emma's got good reason to fear horses because they can hurt her very easily. But, at ten years old, Emma has already figured out that what's going to hurt the most is denying herself the kind of life she wants to live. When I asked her why she chose to stay that first day despite being so scared, she said, "Because I love horses. They are my favorite animal and there's this side of me that just doesn't want to give up."

There's no worse feeling for a horse lover than that of being afraid of horses. If you're in that spot, you know exactly what I'm talking about. But honestly, that pit in your stomach is not meant to stay there permanently. Fear is simply a warning telling you to proceed with caution, but for heaven's sake, proceed. For your own happiness.

To find her happiness with horses, Emma's got to be able to hold her own among them. She is beginning to discover just how capable she is of doing that... of preventing horses from pushing her around and freaking her out. She is also learning how to prevent herself from freaking out horses. Horses don't tolerate dramatics from frightened riders, and instructors don't do students any favors not sharing that info from the get go.

No matter how frightened she feels, Emma knows it is one hundred percent on her to keep herself calm. Nobody else can do that for her. She's getting pretty darn good at talking herself out of fear and into confidence. Literally. You should hear her...

"I can keep myself calm. I can take deep breaths to keep myself calm. I can sing and laugh and say dumb, funny stuff to keep myself calm. Charlie is a well-trained horse but if I act like I'm scared I will freak him out. I will be fine. Nelly will be right by my side, and she will stay by my side until I feel more confident."

You should hear her after she's done something she was scared to do...

"That didn't kill me. It didn't even hurt me. I am perfectly fine. Charlie is perfectly fine. I did it. It was really scary, but I did it!" 

You should hear her when she is attempting something new...

"I can do this. I've already done lots of other stuff I was afraid to do and now I'm not afraid to do those things any more, and that feels really good. Soon I will not be afraid to do this either. Charlie is counting on me to keep myself calm and I can. I know I can!"

Last night, Emma tacked up Charlie, lead him into the arena, did some ground work with him, and then mounted and rode on her own (off the lunge line) at the walk and trot. 

Considering less than two months ago she was terrified to put a halter on him, the difference is astounding. Surely the main contributing factor is the conversations Emma has been having with herself. I'm delighted she's having them out loud because it is an incredibly powerful way for her to connect with her true self, that larger part of her that knows she is perfectly capable of becoming the horse woman she wants to be. Plus, it's enormous fun for me listening to this young rider squash, one by one, every single doubt she has about her ability to take care of herself. 

Fear is the only thing standing in the way of dreams, and it rears its ugly head anytime we doubt our abilities. If you are doubting yours, I hope Emma inspires you to start talking more positively to yourself...out loud, if needed. Sometimes that's what it takes to drown out the voice of doubt.

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The ALPHA Equestrian Challenge is chock full of tools to help you take care of yourself around horses! Click here to order you copy today.

NEVER MIND THE HORSE, HOW BOMB-PROOF ARE YOU?

If you think a bomb-proof horse is your ticket to safe riding, you are probably in for an unpleasant surprise. That's because the scariest thing most horses encounter are riders who think horses are supposed to keep them safe. No amount of bomb-proofing prepares horses for that. Between you and your horse, you are the one who is supposed to be keeping the two of you safe...not the other way around. So, never mind the horse. How bomb-proof are you?

Before going any further, I want to make it clear that folks who think bomb-proofing is about desensitizing horses have it all wrong. To desensitize a horse you'd have to stick ear plugs in its ears, slap blinders on it, or do some such thing that actually dulls its senses.

Bomb-proof horses haven't been de-sensitized at all. Rather, they have been made sensitive to the fact that a human is willing and able to keep them safe. Relieving horses of that responsibility is what allows them to behave calmly despite all kinds of crazy distractions. Whether or not a bomb-proof horse behaves calmly for you depends entirely upon you letting him know that you are willing to do the same.

While going through the bomb-proofing process, horses get used to enjoying the type of calm, assured leadership that helps them get over their drama and find confidence in themselves. Horses thriving in that positive energy aren't necessarily chomping at the bit to carry around riders who carry nervous, fretful energy. If you are one of them, you need to know that even the most bomb-proof horse will eventually protest and challenge you to get over your own drama.

Even if you are not the nervous type, you can expect bomb-proof horses to offer you subtle challenges anyway. If you are unaware of how or why horses do this, you are unaware of the leadership horses need from you to behave calmly for you. You're certainly not alone. Most riders learn how to ride but learn next to nothing about how to get horses to behave calmly. Crazy but true...hence the reason I encourage riding instructors to join the challenge to create a safer industry.

Far too many riders miss out on receiving a basic, yet pretty freakin' important, leadership education. It's a good bet you are one of them if you're thinking the "bomb-proof" horse you recently brought home must have been drugged when you tried it out. Before you're tempted to accuse the seller of misrepresenting the horse, know that it is highly likely you are misinterpreting the situation.

Never take bomb-proof horses for granted. Not only is your safety your responsibility, but for a horse to carry you safely you've got let him know you have his back as well. Learn to provide your bomb-proof horse some bomb-proof leadership. That's your ticket to safe riding!

Get started by ordering your copy 

of The ALPHA Equestrian Challenge today. 

AN OPEN LETTER TO HORSE INDUSTRY PROFESSIONALS

Dave McLean is a volunteer at a therapeutic riding center. Soft spoken and careful in actions as well as words, his entire demeanor reeks of gentleness. It was easy to sense the concern in his voice as he spoke.

“A long time ago,” he said, “I vowed that I would never hit a horse. Well… the other day, after getting bitten for the umpteenth time, I found myself swinging at one. Granted, I missed, but I would have hit him if he hadn’t backed away. The whole thing surprised me. I felt mad! I was uncomfortable with how angry I actually felt.”

Getting mad is better than getting bitten, but with a little guidance, Dave could have avoided both. Whose job is it to provide that guidance? In too many barns nobody knows, which is why a crazy number of people wind up in Dave's position. Whose job should it be to provide guidance to horse handlers? If your business involves clients or staff handling horses, it should be your job. Sure it should.

As a professional in the horse industry, one of the best things you can do for yourself is help your clients and staff understand what it takes to provide good leadership to horses. Allowing horses to behave unmannerly causes handlers to get hurt, but so many of them don’t realize that it also causes horses to suffer undue anxiety.

All horse handlers should learn what to expect from horses in the way of good ground manners, and how to correct behaviors when necessary. Providing this education at your barn saves your folks the trouble of having to seek it elsewhere, which many of them will. Like Dave, they will be inspired by the frustration with and/or fear of the horses they are handling.

When they come to people like me and start learning that all they needed all along was some basic leadership skills, they’ll put two and two together… you can count on it. And that’s when they’ll ask the same question so many have asked before, “Why didn’t anybody say anything about leadership skills in the first place?” 

For your own professional integrity, don’t give the people you do business with reason to ask that question! It’s hard for anyone to answer it without causing you to appear less than professional.

The horse handlers in your barn need good leadership skills for their own safety. Please trust that they would prefer you inspire them to develop some... and before they wind up getting bitten enough times to get angry with horses, or hurt enough time to become frightened of them. 

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The ALPHA Equestrian Challenge teaches the basics of providing

good leadership to horses.  Click here to order your copy today!

Public Displays of Discipline are Nothing to Worry About

The other day I had a conversation with a gentleman who expressed concern about providing discipline to horses in front of other people. He didn't want anyone thinking he would ever mistreat a horse. That's a concern almost everyone has, including many professionals in the horse industry.  

Where is all this worry coming from when ninety-nine percent of the people passing through barn doors want to be kind to horses? The other one percent just wants directions to Starbucks.  

The worry comes from the fact that we are accustomed to thinking and speaking negatively about ourselves and other people. We all do it, but then we worry about others doing it to us. It's behavior exclusive to humans and totally counterproductive to happiness. We're hilarious, really. 

Discipline is part of the natural order of life for both humans and horses. Interesting thing about horses is, if one feels like you deserve some discipline it won't hesitate to provide it. Have you ever been bitten by a horse? Pushed out of the way? Kicked at? Well, there you go. You've been disciplined by a horse.

Did you notice the reprimand came fast and firm? Sure it did. Discipline is not something horses dillydally about or waste a lot of energy on.

Did you get the sense that the horse felt bad about reprimanding you? No, of course not. Horses don't bother themselves with feeling guilty about their actions. They are quite alright just learning from them.

Did other horses come running over to tell that horse he ought to be ashamed of himself for reprimanding you the way he did? Hardly. Horses will advocate on your behalf only if it provides immediate benefit to them. Meanwhile, they mind their own business.

I like the way horses approach discipline because they keep it plain and simple, never attaching remorse, shame or embarrassment to it. They are just straight and to the point. Don't hurt others and don't allow others to hurt you... it's a life lesson both humans and horses must learn to coexist peacefully with other beings. And we all learn it by hurting and getting hurt until we learn how to get it just right.

Trainers and riding instructors can only give their best guidance, but then they must get out of the way and let individuals start to figure out for themselves how to get it just right. What makes most people uncomfortable is seeing someone over-discipline a horse. That's what gets folks in an uproar and ready to jump on the social-media-public-shaming bandwagon. 

Before you are tempted to join in, know this. There's not a single great horse person in the world who hasn't done something they regretted. But you know what? That is how they learned best not to do it again. As a teaching tool, shaming anyone pales in comparison to letting folks learn from their own actions and providing them some empathy along the way. You are going to make your mistakes, too. To wit, lift up or shut up is a pretty good motto to live by.

To stay safe around horses, you've got to get over feeling bad about disciplining them when necessary... even if someone happens to be watching. You are responsible for yourself and your relationship with your horse at all times, not just when you are alone with him. 

Bear in mind that horses behave unmannerly mainly when they feel insecure. So, if you are chatting with another rider and your horse is stomping his hoof or nipping at you, he's basically wanting to know if you are still aware that you are supposed to be keeping him safe. Checking him on his manners right then and there reassures him that, yes, you are aware. It also sets a good example for the other rider... who might just be worrying about disciplining her horse in front of you.

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To learn more about getting mannerly behavior from your horse, 

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SHOW SEASON PRIMER: Let the Fun Begin!

Stressed out, worried or nervous about an upcoming horse show? If so, you might be missing the whole point of going. Riding is a sport. Take it too seriously and you'll deprive yourself of the best part of participating in any sport - the fun! “But, I’ve spent so much money on training and lessons,” you might protest.  “I must take it very seriously!”

No, honestly, you don’t. “But, I’ve worked so hard and spent so many hours, days, months practicing. If I don’t win, it will all have been for naught.”

Mmm, no it won’t. “But, but, but…”

Stop! There are no buts. Get a grip on yourself. You got into riding in the first place for the fun of it. Keeping your eye on the prize means knowing that’s what the prize is – the fun. Everything else is just icing on the cake. If you have your doubts, read the USEF's Sportsman's Charter. Read it until it becomes personal because having fun is a requirement for living a happy life. Here it is...with some of my own thoughts about it:

That sport is something done for the fun of doing it and that it ceases to be sport when it becomes a business only, something done for what there is in it;

See, it’s right there in writing, "...something done for the fun of doing it.” Make

it about anything else (ribbons, fame, fortune, etc.) and soon you’ll start 

wondering why it’s not the blast it used to be. 

That amateurism is something of the heart and spirit - not a matter of exact technical qualifications;

Surely this speaks to idea that masters become masters by remaining eager and

passionate about their sport… by embracing, with childlike enthusiasm,

the notion that there is always opportunity for expansion. 

That good manners of sport are fundamentally important; That the code must be strictly upheld;

Oh, hell yes! Go to shows with the belief that everyone shares equal love for horses

plus the discipline to keep negative comments to yourself, and you will 

neither offend nor be offended.  We truly are all in this together.

That the whole structure of sport is not only preserved from the absurdity of undue importance, but is justified by a kind of romance which animates it, and by the positive virtues of courage, patience, good temper, and unselfishness which are demanded by the code;

I want to hug the genius who strung together the words “the absurdity of undue importance!” This might be the most useful phrase in the history of phrases.

That the exploitation of sport for profit alone kills the spirit and retains only the husk and semblance of the thing;

Kills the spirit... kills it dead. Blah.

That the qualities of frankness, courage, and sincerity which mark the good sportsman in private life shall mark the discussions of his interests at a competition.

Good sportsmanship is habit, rather than something dusted off at show time.

I don’t believe anyone intentionally sets out to be a big drag in life, but lots of people wind up becoming boring, grumpy, uptight fuddy-duddies by default because they forget how to have fun for the sake of having fun. So, if you must pressure yourself about an upcoming horse show, pressure yourself to be fun and to have fun. Plan on it!

Plan to cram in a last minute lesson only if you feel ecstatic about the idea. If not, plan to pamper yourself with some chill out time instead, and some positive self-talk. Plan to breathe deep and stay calm, for your horse’s sake as well as your own. Plan to do your best and be proud of yourself. Plan to laugh off your mistakes by learning from them. Plan to lend a hand if needed. Plan to make a friend by having at least one conversation with a rider you’ve not met before. Plan to be gracious to the show staff because chances are they are volunteers.  Plan to cheer for others with gusto…put your whole heart into it!

When the show is over and you’re lying in bed that night, overwhelmed with appreciation and joy for the day and the experience you created… no doubt you’ll drift off to sleep feeling a sense of happiness beyond anything you could have planned.

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Whether at horse shows or at home, all riders need their own leadership skills for their own safety. Get yours! Order The ALPHA Equestrian Challenge today!

PROCEED WITH CAUTION: Tips for Dealing With Fear Effectively

Horseback riding is a ton of fun until fear halts you in your tracks. I’ve learned from experience that fear is not a stop sign. It is a warning sign telling you to PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

Too often we view fear as a weakness, something to be ashamed of or embarrassed by. It feels negative so we learn to hide it, laugh it off or deny it. Yet, fear is an emotion… and our emotions are our inner guidance systems meant to steer us onto the paths that are right for us throughout our lifetimes. If you get a good feeling about something, you are headed in a direction that is right for you and vice versa. In our attempts to control our emotions, we tend to bury them rather than listening to them and allowing them to guide us as they are designed to do.

I encourage riders to listen to fear as the voice of reason. “Slow down. Go easy on yourself. Prepare yourself for the next step so you don’t get hurt.”  Granted, most riders never hear that voice until a horse does something that scares the crap out of them or until they actually get hurt. Then the voice becomes loud and clear. DEAFENINGLY, MADDENINGLY LOUD AND CLEAR…to the point that you want it just to shut up.  But if you heed its warning, your fear will stop screaming at you. “Slow down. Go easy on yourself.  Prepare yourself for the next step so you don’t get hurt.” What’s more reasonable than that?

Even if your fear has slowed you to a halt, do not get down on yourself about it. It is making you take the time you need to learn how to protect something that is very valuable to you – your body. It’s the only one you are going to get in this lifetime. Now that you are sensitive to it, your fear is and will continue to help you protect your body around horses for the rest of your life. Bless it and be grateful for it.

And then move on knowing your work is not about overcoming fear. It is about...

1. learning what it takes to get horses to behave calmly, and
2. developing the ability to focus and remain calm no matter what so you can help your horse focus on you and remain calm no matter what.

To get horses to behave calmly, you must become sensitive to their fear and provide the leadership needed to prevent them from freaking out.  Oddly, it is normal for people to learn how to ride without learning anything about this... so most riders have no idea they are missing a pretty vital chunk of information.  First step first - educate yourself.  Buy a book on the subject of leadership and read it.  I would love it if you bought my book, but if it doesn't suit your fancy, buy someone else's...anyone else's.

Once you start learning what horses need from you as a leader, a light will click on. Suddenly a whole lot of things will start to make sense. You will begin to understand exactly why you are in the predicament of struggling with fear. But you will also learn what you need to do differently to get your horse to behave calmly for you.

Learning and practicing relaxation techniques will help you develop the ability to focus and remain calm at all times. To get really good at it with your horse, learn some basic leading and lunging exercises and then get out of the habit of working with your horse only when conditions are ideal.

You must have distractions to practice focusing through them. Is the wind howling? Are roofers hammering a new roof on the barn? Is a lawnmower or tractor running? That’s when you need to be working with your horse.  Or create your own distractions with tarps, umbrellas, etc. Bomb-proofing exercises (working with your horse amid distractions) are perfect for helping you learn how to focus and remain calm no matter what.

Develop good leadership skills on the ground, apply them in the saddle and your fear will settle down. It will feel less like a ball and chain and more like sweet, dependable intuition, which prior to now you weren’t even aware you were lacking. In my opinion, you can’t become a great horseperson without it. A great rider, sure…but not a great horseperson. 

Think about it. Lots of fearless riders stay glued to the saddle while horses fearfully buck, bolt and rear beneath them. To me, a great horseperson is someone who tries hard not to put a horse in that position. She will spend time on the ground building trust and cooperation with her horse, and won’t climb on its back until she is fairly darn certain she can easily and quickly calm the animal down if it should get frightened or confused.  Let’s face it, we must have some sort of sensitivity to either our own fear or our horse’s to be willing to do that.

So go on…proceed with caution. When you look back, you will see how this struggle with fear caused you to expand in ways beneficial to both you and your horse.

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WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

It’s important to be consciously aware of what you are thinking when you are around your horse because thoughts are powerful things. Thoughts create energy, and horses can read energy like nobody’s business. We create positive energy by thinking about the things we like and want, and negative energy by thinking about the opposite. All that energy we create with our thoughts flows around us in countless invisible streams every second of every day.

Horses create energy as well because their instincts are unconscious thoughts. While mindlessly going with the flow of your horse’s energy is fun when he’s behaving the way you want, it’s a different story when he’s not. If you are not aware of what you are thinking, you can easily wind up in currents of negative energy.

Those trips begin the moment you zoom in on the unwanted behavior you horse is presenting… when you start fretting about it (“Oh my gosh, something is wrong with my horse.”) …over-analyzing it.  (“What is upsetting him, is he in pain, could he have had a bad experience?”) …letting it freak you out (“He won’t settle down!  He keeps rearing!”) Next thing you know, you begin expecting unwanted behavior (“She’s in heat so I doubt this is going to be much fun.”) …predicting it (“If you put my horse on crossties he will flip out.) …getting more of it (“He used to be pretty easy to catch but now it takes me 20 minutes.”)

It’s never more important to think about the behavior you want from your horse than when you’re not getting it. That’s when you must put the power of your thoughts to work for you.  For example, let’s say you begin lunging your horse and immediately he starts flying around, turning his butt to you and kicking out. Now, you must be aware of what your horse is doing so you can keep yourself safe. But at the same time, you should take a deep breath and ask yourself, “What do I want my horse to do?” Formulate a clear answer in your head and then focus on that. You will instantly begin creating your own positive energy; thereby giving your horse the opportunity to read it. Invite him into your energy rather than letting yourself get sucked into his.

Focusing on the behavior you want helps you be patient. That’s important because energy has momentum and it takes time for momentum to shift. If you’re thinking patience is not your strong suit, that’s because you’ve been going about it all wrong. You’ve been trying to be patient while thinking about what you don’t want. That only causes frustration, and it’s impossible to be frustrated and patient at the same time. But thinking about what you want makes you feel good, doesn’t it? That’s why we all like to daydream. We love imagining getting what we want. So if think about the behavior you want your horse to give you, you will find yourself melting into the moment…perhaps even enjoying it… no matter what your horse is doing. That’s patience!

Focusing on what you want gets you asking the questions that lead you to getting what you want. “Why won’t my horse trot calmly? Is the answer to that question what I really want, or do I really just want my horse to trot calmly? Hmm, how do I get my horse to trot calmly? I wonder if this will help?” That’s the noticeable turning point - when your thoughts become actions and you start trying things to get what you want.  Things you may have heard or read about or seen …or simply pulled from your greatest source of inspiration – your own imagination.

Focusing on what you want not only gets you headed in that general direction, but it helps you recognize subtle signs when you your horse starts heading in that direction too. Reward even the tiniest hints and your horse will happily hitch a ride on the flow of your energy. You can then begin narrowing down the specifics until you get exactly what you want.

Positive thinking is not magic, but it certainly creates magical moments. So be mindful to think about the behavior you want from your horse and go create your own!