QUICK TIPS FOR SAFE, CALM HORSE-SHOWING

If you are traveling to horse shows this year and have even the slightest inkling that your horse might be nervous coming off the trailer, get out ahead of that situation now. Don't just wait to see how your horse will handle the show environment. Plan on helping him handle it calmly. Here are a few tips.

Up until the show:

1. Give up habits that don't work in your favor, such as thinking and talking about either you or your horse being nervous at shows in the past. The past is in the past. It means nothing. Let it go.
2. Remind yourself daily that it is up to you as the leader to set the tone at horse shows by staying calm yourself. That's your number one job. Everything else comes secondary to that.
3. Create momentum in your favor by thinking and talking about how calm you are going to be at the show, how you are going to breathe deeply and not overreact to anything. Your horse is going to feed off your energy, so talk about how you are going to provide all the cool, calm energy he could possibly need.
4. Most importantly, take your horse through some bomb-proofing exercises to prepare the both of you for sights and sounds at horse shows, such as tents, flags, loud noises, etc. Bear in mind that the purpose of bomb-proofing not to desensitize your horse to sights and sounds, but rather to get yourself in the habit of getting your horse to pay attention to you despite sights and sounds. (My book provides clear, concise instruction if you need help getting started.)

Day of the show:

1. Arrive at the show early to give yourself plenty of time to help your horse relax.
2. Once you get your horse off the trailer, take him for a walk around the show grounds keeping this important point in mind: for your walk to settle your horse's nerves, you must walk with that purpose and provide guidance toward that purpose. (That's the part many people don't get.) A simple but effective way to provide that guidance is to ask your horse to halt and back up whenever he crowds your space, pulls on the lead rope, or just seems to be paying attention to everything but you. Whether you have to ask for the halt/back-up five, ten, or one hundred times, it doesn't matter. What matters is that you calmly, consistently, unemotionally keep on asking until your horse is walking calmly by your side.

Allowing your horse to come into a state of calmness before warming up or asking any more of him will get your show experience off on a wonderful note. Good luck! I wish you fun and safety this show season.

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"Just got your book and I can't put it down! Packed with knowledge and instruction, can't wait to pass on the gold!"

-Katie Keller Trosclair

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UNEXPECTED TRANSITIONS: Tips on Handling Horses' and Life's Sudden Surprises

Transitioning into the new year had me thinking quite a bit about transitions. When we know a change of pace is coming, we can plan for it. But what if a horse suddenly slams on the brakes or lurches to one side or the other? It's during these "surprise" transitions that many riders fall off or get scared. Often folks come away from these experiences feeling as if they had lost something important (confidence in themselves, trust in their horse, etc.) rather than gained something valuable. Then there are those riders who appear to have butts made of Velcro. It seems horses can't do anything to unseat them. What's their secret?

I recently gained some insight when I was met with a surprise transition of my own... one that did not occur on horseback. This particularly abrupt change took place in my personal life, which is something I don't usually blog about. But since we're talking about transitions, it seems a fitting time for me to transition out of my norm. Long story short, my beloved Gerald decided he no longer wanted to be my beloved. Apparently he made that decision some time ago, but I learned about it just before the holidays when a friend I haven't heard from in many years called to tell me his girlfriend had been cheating on him for several months...with Gerald.

Now, I adore Gerald. I have since the day I met him, and I was planning on spending many more years with him. From my perspective, we were two peas delighted to be in the same pod. I had no idea we were having problems, so initially you could have knocked me over with a feather... especially given the strangeness of him hooking up with my old boyfriend's girlfriend combined with the sudden discovery of his freakishly magnificent acting skills. But it didn't take me long to realize I have a Velcro butt of my own, at least when it comes to riding life's surprises. 

In retrospect, I gained this bit of clarity. It doesn't matter if it's your horse that decides to bolt or the man you love, unexpected transitions are what they are. Whether you are sitting in a saddle or in a chair at your dining room table, similar concepts apply to riding them beautifully. 

It's important to know not only where your center of balance is, but what its purpose is. In the saddle, your center of balance is in your core, that unseen part of you that lies between your navel and your spine. You have to feel for it to find it, and then allow the weight of your body to extend evenly from it. That takes a lot of concentration at first...a lot of consciously thinking about what your body is doing... because most of us have ways of carrying ourselves crooked without being aware of it. The purpose of your center of balance is to allow you to carry yourself upright and independently so your horse can move freely beneath you.

In life, your center of balance is in your soul, that unseen part of you that knows you are worthy of unconditional love and happiness. Most of us are taught we are anything but, so we learn to think crookedly without being aware of it. Try going an entire day without having a single negative thought about yourself or anyone else and you'll see what I mean. You don't have to go feeling around to find your soul because every emotion you experience lets you know it's right there...and whether or not you are in alignment with it.  Thoughts that feel positive are; those that don't are not. Your soul's purpose is to allow you carry yourself upright and independently, free to enjoy being yourself while allowing others the freedom to be themselves.

It's important to trust your center of balance. For you to trust your center of balance in the saddle, you must strengthen the muscles around it. It's only when you are strong in your core that you will be able to relax your limbs and allow your center of balance to do its job. Same goes for your center of balance in life. You've got to trust your soul to guide you to your greatest joy. You don't have to strengthen your soul. It's already incredibly strong. But you do have to strengthen your mind so it can relax and let your soul to do its job. 

While strengthening your core muscles calls for you to move your body, strengthening your mind calls for you to move your thoughts. It gets you thinking about the thoughts rambling around in your head, and then adjusting any negative thoughts until they feel more positive. Souls have only positive opinions about everything. So, once you start the process you will begin to discover feeling negative about anything is just lazy thinking.

Sink in. On horseback, this is equivalent to allowing your weight to drop down in the saddle and anchor you in place. Doing so allows you to feel as if you are one with the horse. In life, it is equivalent to allowing yourself to believe what makes you happy. You get to believe whatever you want, so why not? Try it for awhile and you'll start to feel as if you are one with the whole universe.

Practice regularly and with purpose. To get good at anything, you have to practice regularly...and with the intention of getting really good at it. You can't practice riding a bolting horse unless your horse actually bolts, but you can practice strengthening your core muscles, trusting your center of balance, and sinking into your horse rather than just perching on top of him. The more you practice these things, the more prepared you will be to remain calm and go with the flow should your horse happen to bolt.

I spent literally zero time practicing for Gerald to bolt, but I have spent a ton of time moving my thoughts around on many different subjects in effort to line up with my soul's positive opinion on everything. So, despite not foreseeing this transition, I was definitely prepared to go with the flow. I'm not saying it didn't hurt. It was the most disturbing pain I've ever felt in my life, which is why it took me about two seconds to let go of it. I don't like feeling pain at all. I like feeling happy. I can't control what Gerald or anyone else does, but I can always reach for thoughts that make me feel good no matter what Gerald or anyone else does.

It makes me feel good to think about the joy and laughter Gerald brought into my life. It makes me feel good to think I did a really good job of seeing the best in him and loving him unconditionally. As a result, I got to spend eight years of my life hanging out with a man I adore and thinking all the while he felt the same way about me. That was really fun!

Except for the weird and uncomfortable ending Gerald presented, I had an incredibly good time. So when he asked if I wanted to "talk about it," every instinct in my body led me to say no and I'm glad I did. I'm glad I let him walk away keeping his negative opinions about me and our relationship to himself. My positive ones feel positively great to me, and they are the only ones I want to carry into my future.

Unexpected transitions, whether on horseback or in life in general, are what they are. How we handle them is proof of what we've spent time practicing. Practice with purpose, my friends, and you will be prepared not only to survive abrupt changes but to thrive through them. 

SHOW SEASON PRIMER: Let the Fun Begin!

Stressed out, worried or nervous about an upcoming horse show? If so, you might be missing the whole point of going. Riding is a sport. Take it too seriously and you'll deprive yourself of the best part of participating in any sport - the fun! “But, I’ve spent so much money on training and lessons,” you might protest.  “I must take it very seriously!”

No, honestly, you don’t. “But, I’ve worked so hard and spent so many hours, days, months practicing. If I don’t win, it will all have been for naught.”

Mmm, no it won’t. “But, but, but…”

Stop! There are no buts. Get a grip on yourself. You got into riding in the first place for the fun of it. Keeping your eye on the prize means knowing that’s what the prize is – the fun. Everything else is just icing on the cake. If you have your doubts, read the USEF's Sportsman's Charter. Read it until it becomes personal because having fun is a requirement for living a happy life. Here it is...with some of my own thoughts about it:

That sport is something done for the fun of doing it and that it ceases to be sport when it becomes a business only, something done for what there is in it;

See, it’s right there in writing, "...something done for the fun of doing it.” Make

it about anything else (ribbons, fame, fortune, etc.) and soon you’ll start 

wondering why it’s not the blast it used to be. 

That amateurism is something of the heart and spirit - not a matter of exact technical qualifications;

Surely this speaks to idea that masters become masters by remaining eager and

passionate about their sport… by embracing, with childlike enthusiasm,

the notion that there is always opportunity for expansion. 

That good manners of sport are fundamentally important; That the code must be strictly upheld;

Oh, hell yes! Go to shows with the belief that everyone shares equal love for horses

plus the discipline to keep negative comments to yourself, and you will 

neither offend nor be offended.  We truly are all in this together.

That the whole structure of sport is not only preserved from the absurdity of undue importance, but is justified by a kind of romance which animates it, and by the positive virtues of courage, patience, good temper, and unselfishness which are demanded by the code;

I want to hug the genius who strung together the words “the absurdity of undue importance!” This might be the most useful phrase in the history of phrases.

That the exploitation of sport for profit alone kills the spirit and retains only the husk and semblance of the thing;

Kills the spirit... kills it dead. Blah.

That the qualities of frankness, courage, and sincerity which mark the good sportsman in private life shall mark the discussions of his interests at a competition.

Good sportsmanship is habit, rather than something dusted off at show time.

I don’t believe anyone intentionally sets out to be a big drag in life, but lots of people wind up becoming boring, grumpy, uptight fuddy-duddies by default because they forget how to have fun for the sake of having fun. So, if you must pressure yourself about an upcoming horse show, pressure yourself to be fun and to have fun. Plan on it!

Plan to cram in a last minute lesson only if you feel ecstatic about the idea. If not, plan to pamper yourself with some chill out time instead, and some positive self-talk. Plan to breathe deep and stay calm, for your horse’s sake as well as your own. Plan to do your best and be proud of yourself. Plan to laugh off your mistakes by learning from them. Plan to lend a hand if needed. Plan to make a friend by having at least one conversation with a rider you’ve not met before. Plan to be gracious to the show staff because chances are they are volunteers.  Plan to cheer for others with gusto…put your whole heart into it!

When the show is over and you’re lying in bed that night, overwhelmed with appreciation and joy for the day and the experience you created… no doubt you’ll drift off to sleep feeling a sense of happiness beyond anything you could have planned.

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Whether at horse shows or at home, all riders need their own leadership skills for their own safety. Get yours! Order The ALPHA Equestrian Challenge today!

PROCEED WITH CAUTION: Tips for Dealing With Fear Effectively

Horseback riding is a ton of fun until fear halts you in your tracks. I’ve learned from experience that fear is not a stop sign. It is a warning sign telling you to PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

Too often we view fear as a weakness, something to be ashamed of or embarrassed by. It feels negative so we learn to hide it, laugh it off or deny it. Yet, fear is an emotion… and our emotions are our inner guidance systems meant to steer us onto the paths that are right for us throughout our lifetimes. If you get a good feeling about something, you are headed in a direction that is right for you and vice versa. In our attempts to control our emotions, we tend to bury them rather than listening to them and allowing them to guide us as they are designed to do.

I encourage riders to listen to fear as the voice of reason. “Slow down. Go easy on yourself. Prepare yourself for the next step so you don’t get hurt.”  Granted, most riders never hear that voice until a horse does something that scares the crap out of them or until they actually get hurt. Then the voice becomes loud and clear. DEAFENINGLY, MADDENINGLY LOUD AND CLEAR…to the point that you want it just to shut up.  But if you heed its warning, your fear will stop screaming at you. “Slow down. Go easy on yourself.  Prepare yourself for the next step so you don’t get hurt.” What’s more reasonable than that?

Even if your fear has slowed you to a halt, do not get down on yourself about it. It is making you take the time you need to learn how to protect something that is very valuable to you – your body. It’s the only one you are going to get in this lifetime. Now that you are sensitive to it, your fear is and will continue to help you protect your body around horses for the rest of your life. Bless it and be grateful for it.

And then move on knowing your work is not about overcoming fear. It is about...

1. learning what it takes to get horses to behave calmly, and
2. developing the ability to focus and remain calm no matter what so you can help your horse focus on you and remain calm no matter what.

To get horses to behave calmly, you must become sensitive to their fear and provide the leadership needed to prevent them from freaking out.  Oddly, it is normal for people to learn how to ride without learning anything about this... so most riders have no idea they are missing a pretty vital chunk of information.  First step first - educate yourself.  Buy a book on the subject of leadership and read it.  I would love it if you bought my book, but if it doesn't suit your fancy, buy someone else's...anyone else's.

Once you start learning what horses need from you as a leader, a light will click on. Suddenly a whole lot of things will start to make sense. You will begin to understand exactly why you are in the predicament of struggling with fear. But you will also learn what you need to do differently to get your horse to behave calmly for you.

Learning and practicing relaxation techniques will help you develop the ability to focus and remain calm at all times. To get really good at it with your horse, learn some basic leading and lunging exercises and then get out of the habit of working with your horse only when conditions are ideal.

You must have distractions to practice focusing through them. Is the wind howling? Are roofers hammering a new roof on the barn? Is a lawnmower or tractor running? That’s when you need to be working with your horse.  Or create your own distractions with tarps, umbrellas, etc. Bomb-proofing exercises (working with your horse amid distractions) are perfect for helping you learn how to focus and remain calm no matter what.

Develop good leadership skills on the ground, apply them in the saddle and your fear will settle down. It will feel less like a ball and chain and more like sweet, dependable intuition, which prior to now you weren’t even aware you were lacking. In my opinion, you can’t become a great horseperson without it. A great rider, sure…but not a great horseperson. 

Think about it. Lots of fearless riders stay glued to the saddle while horses fearfully buck, bolt and rear beneath them. To me, a great horseperson is someone who tries hard not to put a horse in that position. She will spend time on the ground building trust and cooperation with her horse, and won’t climb on its back until she is fairly darn certain she can easily and quickly calm the animal down if it should get frightened or confused.  Let’s face it, we must have some sort of sensitivity to either our own fear or our horse’s to be willing to do that.

So go on…proceed with caution. When you look back, you will see how this struggle with fear caused you to expand in ways beneficial to both you and your horse.

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ZEN YOUR WAY TO CALM RIDING: Five Tips for Overcoming the Jitters

Today I talked to a woman who was perfectly comfortable on her horse until it was time to canter.  Just thinking about it made her fear rise and her muscles tighten.  Letting your nerves get the best of you around horses, especially while riding, is never a good thing. Part of a rider’s job is learning to remain calm no matter what. The following techniques work wonders in helping you reach that goal.

Tell a success story.  Thoughts and words are energy, so use yours to send yourself in the direction you want to go. “I’m afraid to canter,” leaves you stuck in the here and now, focusing on the negative.   “I’m in training for the canter. Like all great riders, I’m learning to remain calm and focused at all times.”  Both statements are true, but try saying them out loud and see which one makes you feel as if you are already in a better situation.  Which one sparks some excitement and gets you looking forward to the journey ahead?

Learn to breathe from your belly. Deep belly breathing oxygenates the muscles, clears the mind to help you focus, and is one of the easiest ways to relax anytime. To learn how to do it, lie on the floor and put a book on your stomach.  As you breathe in, try to make the book rise. If your chest rises instead of the book, you are not breathing deeply enough. Once you get it down, make it a habit in the saddle. Check frequently to make sure you are deep belly breathing by placing your hand on your stomach. 

Develop better body awareness. To stay calm, you must train yourself out of unconsciously tightening your muscles. Develop better body awareness by consciously tensing and then relaxing different muscle groups.  Hold the tension as tight as possible for five seconds. Be aware of your breathing as you do this. You will notice that the tighter you tense your muscles, the shallower your breathing becomes.  As you release the tension, use your deep belly breathing to allow for total relaxation.

Visualize the new you.  Visualization is priceless because your subconscious retains memories of events whether you imagine them or if they happen in real life.  If cantering is your challenge, visualize yourself making canter transitions remaining perfectly calm and everything going right.  Think about how you will ask for the canter. Are you in two-point or sitting position? Are you asking for a clear balanced transition, or allowing your horse to dribble into the canter?  Try to feel yourself riding ten or twelve strides, then easing back into trot. Cantering for longer periods, speeding up, slowing down...a marching band popping up out of nowhere, and although you wonder what the heck, you remain calm and focused...breathing deeply from your belly...feeling the pure joy of following your horse’s movement in perfect harmony. Do you see yourself smiling?

Practice, practice, practice.  Remaining calm and focused is a learned behavior so plan to practice. Each day before entering the barn, take a moment to remind yourself that you are in training to become a bastion of serenity. Do some deep belly breathing until you actually feel yourself relax...then go greet your horse. 

Challenging yourself to step outside your comfort zone allows you to reach greater levels of calm confidence. Let yourself have fun and enjoy the process by taking one small step at a time.   

GET OVER FEAR OF UPSETTING YOUR HORSE: Horses Need Us to Challenge Them

Jennifer Kutch messaged me through Facebook to tell me that reading my book helped her solve many problems with her horse, Mack.  But she still struggled with a bolting issue and wanted to know if she could call and discuss it with me.  “Absolutely,” I replied!  (I’m thrilled when readers contact me!)  When we talked on the phone later on, I learned that Jennifer would have four or five good rides in a row, and then suddenly Mack would spook at something (anything, nothing) and go bolting off.  She wanted to solve the issue for once and for all.  I don’t blame her.

During the course of our conversation, I asked Jennifer lots of questions.  One of them happened to be, “Do you feel comfortable disciplining your horse when you’re in the saddle?”  Her answer revealed an important clue.

“No, I really don’t,” she said.  “When I first bought Mack, his previous owner told me that she found she could only push him so far without upsetting him.  That thought has been stuck in my mind since day one, so I’ve always gone a little bit easy on him.”

All horses get upset when we start pushing them outside their comfort zones.  They throw fits. They have a right to.  They are prey animals.  Comfort zones to them are literally a matter of life and death.  But it is only by calmly, steadily, fairly pushing horses beyond their comfort zones that we actually become their comfort zones. 

Horses’ fits can be intimidating, but to become good leaders we have to learn how to deal with them calmly.  Horses can’t help the fact that they are a lot bigger than us and can easily hurt us.  We just have to be aware of that and be smart about a) pushing our horses past throwing fits about stuff while we are standing on the ground; b) keeping their bodies away from ours so they can’t possibly hurt us; and c) trying our best not to push horses so far that they panic and hurt themselves.

Here’s an example: Suppose I try to lunge a horse over a little jump but the horse stops right in front of it, turns to me and rears up instead.  I’ve clearly pushed the horse far enough to upset him. That’s okay. What’s not okay is for me to allow his rearing to scare me.  Even if it does, I’m going to pretend like it doesn’t for the horse’s sake.  (Horses can’t stand it when their behavior freaks us out.)  Once the horse settled down, I would resume lunging and pretty quickly try to send him over the jump again. He’ll be much more likely to jump it this time (here’s the important part) because I didn't allow his fit to intimidate me.

 

Bomb-proofing exercises help Jennifer
build Mack's trust in her leadership.

Now if the horse happens to rear a second time, I would help him out by breaking the exercise down into smaller pieces.  I would walk with him over the jump a few times, and then send him out on the lunge to walk over it alone before bringing him back up to a trot.  I wouldn’t let the fact that he threw a fit about it at first prevent me from pushing the horse outside his comfort zone… but nor would I hesitate to make it easy for him to go there without throwing a fit.

Jennifer is on her way to becoming a great leader, but Mack knows she is still a bit intimidated by him.  After dealing with enough of his challenges, the time has come for Jennifer to get confident challenging Mack without fear of upsetting him.  I suggested she start by asking a friend to help her create bomb-proofing sessions that push Mack outside his comfort zone.  By working with her horse amidst all kinds of distractions that might upset him, she will give herself ample opportunity to become the calm, stabilizing factor that can prevent him from bolting anytime, anywhere.   

Female Equestrians - How We Fail Ourselves

In my opinion, men have an advantage with horses because they do not struggle with the concept of being mean to the extent women do.  It starts early on.  Tell a boy to hit a horse that bites him and he'll say okay.  Tell a girl to do the same thing and she'll say, "But that's so mean." Riders who can't bring the mean when needed get hurt by horses. Spend some time on Facebook and you will see how many girls believe the exact opposite. "All I know is that if I am nice to horses, horses will be nice to me," girls write.

Then girls walk into barns and see women being nice ("He likes exploring," says the woman who's horse is dragging her through the barn)...women going out of their way to be nice ("Something about that door scares him," says the woman walking around to the other side of the barn)... and women working extra hard to be nice ("He's scared of whips," says the woman struggling to get her horse in front of her leg.)

          

They see women avoid situations where they can't be nice ("I don't feed her treats by hand because she gets too pushy")... women insisting others be nice ("Hey, quiet down before you upset the horses in here")... and women apologizing for not being nice ("It was my fault, I never should have ridden him on such a windy day.") 

        

They watch women find excuses for the niceness not working ("The saddle must be hurting him," says the woman who got bucked off her horse)... and other women supporting this practice ("Yes, it's best to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he's getting too much grain. Maybe you should try a different bit. Maybe his hip joints are out. I know a good chiropractor.")

         

Girls see women remain nice no matter what ("He's always nipping at me but he doesn't do it do be mean," says the woman who's horse had bitten off her lip a year ago.)... they see women be nice even when they know they shouldn't ("I know I should get after her for being so pushy but I just love her too much.")... and they hear women condemning those who aren't nice ("Did you see the way she treated that horse? She ought to be ashamed of herself.") Is it any wonder girls struggle with the concept of being mean?

        

Girls hear women say, "You don't have to be mean but you do have to get your horse's respect."  What??? Why confuse them even more? Sometimes you HAVE to act mean to get a horse's respect! Horses teach this lesson the hard way every day! And right now there is a fresh generation of young girls primed and ready to learn this lesson from their horses too... yep, just like a bunch of sitting ducks. 

       

It is not enough that we teach girls to ride. We have to get them and ourselves over the handicap we created with all this senseless nicey-nice stuff. Until we do, this predominately female industry is failing its majority. THESE ARE OUR BODIES! We have a right to protect them, a responsibility to be mighty about it, and an obligation to act as MEAN AS NECESSARY WHEN NEEDED!