BARN MANAGERS, STAFF & BOARDERS: Thoughts on Our Individual Responsibilities

It's late afternoon in a busy barn. Stable-hands are bringing horses in from turnout while several students are in the aisles tacking up their horses for lessons. Suddenly, a large warmblood spooks and barges through the door, shoving his young handler in the process and almost knocking her down. In a flash, the girl gives a yank on the lead rope and strikes out, landing a solid backhand to the center of the horse's chest. The horse settles down almost instantly and she leads him calmly to his stall. 

This incident happened several years ago at a barn I was managing. As I happened to be standing by the door, I witnessed the entire thing. So did a brand new boarder. Horrified and concerned, the new boarder pulled me aside to tell me that she didn't want anyone treating her horse in that manner... she didn't want my staff thinking it was okay to smack her horse for any reason. I told her I could understand her concern, but I couldn't guarantee it wouldn't happen.

From my perspective, the young employee handled the incident quite well. She didn't hurt that horse, but she surprised him. She got him to settle down quickly, unemotionally. She prevented him from bolting down the aisle... successfully averting potential injury not only to herself and to him, but to all the students and horses that stood between that horse and its stall. That's something I fervently applaud. 

Would the employee have acted so quickly if she was worried about others' opinions of her? Oh, absolutely not. She would've hesitated... and that's where trouble begins. One of the main reasons stable-hands (or anyone, for that matter) get injured by horses is because they hesitate to correct dangerous behavior for fear someone will think they are mean. That is a load of crap nobody needs to suffer, especially the horses. 

Well-trained horses are smart enough to know what mannerly behavior is. Whether any of us likes it or not, horses get downright anxious when mannerly behavior is not enforced!

On that note, here are some thoughts I shared with that new boarder on the subject:

Barn managers have, in my opinion, a responsibility for training employees on how to get and maintain mannerly behavior from horses...and for having their employees backs on the subject. Specifically, and most importantly, that means educating boarders on the fact that correcting unmannerly behavior is not cruel but necessary for everyone's well-being.

Stable-hands have a responsibility for keeping themselves and others as safe as possible by learning what mannerly behavior is and insisting on it. By all means, they have a right to defend their own bodies by giving a serious reprimand when needed.

Horse-owners should trust that nobody (at least no one I've met) seeks employment at a barn for the opportunity to hit a horse. But every now and then a horse might need a serious reprimand. Somebody better step up for everyone's safety. I truly believe if you can't bear the thought of others correcting your horse in ways they deem necessary, you should take on the responsibility of being the only one to handle it.

That new boarder had every right to question the way I ran that barn... and every right to receive an honest response. I wouldn't have been offended if she decided to leave. Transparency fosters understanding though. I'm happy she chose to stay and trust me and my staff to care for her horses for many years.

Horses fare best when barn staff and horse owners work together to get and maintain mannerly behavior. We humans fare best when we cut each other some slack and remember that we are all in this together for the love of horses. A fact we all should keep in mind is that the more we work together to maintain mannerly behavior, the less likely the need for any of us to have to dole out serious reprimands. 

Those are my thoughts on our individual responsibilities. What are yours?

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Who Am I To Say, "This Isn't the Right Horse For You?"

Twice in my career I've played a part in convincing riders that their horses were not the right horses for them. Neither incident sat well with me. Both felt "off" somehow. The second one, in particular, changed me dramatically as a professional. It happened several years ago...

A young woman brought in a horse on a pre-purchase trial. In the course of getting to know him, she discovered that the horse was not adverse to striking out at her on the lunge line. When neither she nor her riding instructor could solve the issue, they asked for my help. I gave it a go, but the more pressure I put on the horse to move forward, the more violently he'd strike out with his front hooves.

The riding instructor thought the young woman should search for a different horse, and I agreed. My words to her were something like, "There are a lot of horses that don't have this habit. Go find one of them." She was really disappointed because she already felt some sort of connection with this horse. She decided to pass on him, though, based in part on my advice.

A couple of months later, a different instructor brought that very same horse back to the barn to try him out for one of her young students. I was concerned but, lo and behold, the striking-out was no longer an issue. The parents purchased him and he turned out to be a great horse for their teenage daughter.

It was a thoroughly humbling experience for me...and priceless. Here are just a few things I learned:

• My once poor opinion of that horse was not an accurate reflection of the horse. It was, however, a perfect reflection of where I was at as a trainer at the time. (I remind myself of that every time I even think of forming a negative opinion of a horse.)

• No matter how much I think I know, there is always more for me to learn... so much more. 

• Telling someone "this is not the right horse for you" is really an inaccurate way of saying "I don't know how to help you succeed with this horse." It's inaccurate because it implies there is something lacking in the horse or the rider; whereas, the latter statement places the insufficiency where it truly lies...in my current training/teaching ability. (No wonder both incidents felt "off" somehow.) 

Knowing what I know now, I'm loathe to say a horse "isn't right" or is "too much horse" for anyone. I feel like there is an over-abundance of that going on as it is. It discourages riders from exploring their potential as horse-handlers and trainers, and plenty of good horses fall through the cracks because of it. I prefer to support the "you can succeed with any horse you choose" mindset because it's the truth for every one of us.

I'm grateful things turned out well for that horse. He found a good home because he ran into a better trainer, one that drew out the best in him and got him over that aggressive behavior. He found a good home despite me, but I'm well aware of the fact that he could've wound up in a kill-pen had he kept running into the type of trainer I was at the time. Not my proudest moment, but one that impelled me to check my ego on a regular basis to give every horse a chance... and one that impelled me to up my game big time. 

In the years hence, I've met many horses that presented the same striking-out behavior. I've gotten them all past it simply by being more assertive in asking them to go forward. If I had it to do over again, I would not give up so easily on that horse, or myself.

I'm glad things turned out well for the young woman, too. She wound up purchasing a different horse and is very happy with her decision. Just look at her, though...

Ashley Tittle and Lyon, Hunters Run Horse Trials
(photo credit, here and above: Madison Collier)

... it's not like she's some shrinking violet. How could I have ever doubted she could succeed with any horse? Again, not my proudest moment, but one that makes me strive harder to keep my ego out of the mix... to not saddle others with my own fears or inadequacies. If I ever have to say "I don't know how to help you succeed with this horse," you best believe I will follow up with, "...but I bet someone else does."

I know other professionals have thoughts on this subject, and I look forward to hearing them. How do you go about balancing your responsibility for the safety of your students while encouraging them to extend their boundaries as equestrians? 

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SEEING HUMANS THROUGH HORSES' EYES: It's a Life Changer!

In a lunging session a few weeks ago, one of my students was allowing her horse to crowd her space. I pointed out the issue but before she could get it resolved, the mare wheeled around and kicked her smack dab in the ribs. Turns out her coat absorbed pretty much the entire impact (shout out to Carhartt!), but it was a scary scene for a few minutes. Since her mom and sister were there, it was a frightening family experience, permeated by shock, fear, panic, doubt, worry... you name it. Later on that evening, it struck me that the one awful emotion none of them felt was anger toward the horse. I found that heartwarming, quite normal, and very interesting. If we can let animals off the hook that easily, why not each other?

Come on, I've seen horses bite, step on, and drag folks around without anyone getting offended. Yet people just have to look at each other the wrong way for feelings to get hurt... and drama, anger, disappointment, resentment, blah, blah, blah to ensue. When it ensues in barns, it sucks the fun right out of the places we go to primarily to have fun. Why do we do that to ourselves?

I was pondering that question when I happened upon a quote that read, "The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you." Well, there's a clue. Surely that very mindset gets us looking for flaws and mistakes, which gets us thinking we need to fix them. For what purpose? To be better people? Who's to say we're not all perfectly fine just as we are at any given moment? At every given moment?

When I'm working with horses, I can tell they know this about themselves. They never look for my approval or disapproval. In fact, they make it pretty clear that my opinion of them means diddly squat to them. I never see horses trying to be better horses. I see us trying to get them to do things in a better way, yet those who have the most success carry the belief that the horse are perfectly fine as is every step along the way.

I can tell horses know we are, too. While horses constantly challenge us to get better at what we're doing, they never offer approval or disapproval of any of us personally no matter what we're doing. It wouldn't occur to them to do so because they are too in tune with who they are. They are too approving of themselves to be disapproving of us. No wonder it's so easy for us to let them off the hook. They do the same for us all the time, which is what makes being around them quite pleasant.

In the interest of living a joyful life, I'm following their lead on this one. I have to admit that, to me, the only thing that's worse than feeling offended by other humans is the feeling that I am offensive to others for some reason. And we humans come up with plenty of reasons... an infinite, exhausting, never-ending number of reasons.

There's no getting to the bottom of that bottomless pit, although there is humor in attempting it. On the same day I found that first quote, I saw another that read, "Don't be an asshole to me because then I'll have to be an asshole to you, and I'm better at being an asshole than you are." I'm not going to lie, it made me laugh.

Still, I can't help but wonder who dreams of growing up to become an asshole? Nobody, that's who...and yet we all somehow seem to meet our fair share. And then we sort of have to become assholes to stick up for ourselves, or we have to become the "bigger person." What does that even mean? That we're better than somebody else? Seems like thinking that would make us the biggest assholes of all...at least until somebody who's better at it comes along. This is the maniacal merry-go-round that keeps on spinning, leaving the people on board feeling underwhelmed with...well, the people on board.

You can't expect anybody on that ride to save you, but you can jump off to save yourself. I feel like horses pushed me off that carousel, and I couldn't be more grateful. The way they see themselves has me looking at myself and other humans as perfectly fine as is all the time. Knowing I have nothing to fix, it's so easy to let people off the hook... and so freeing I don't even care if anyone returns the favor.

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Public Displays of Discipline are Nothing to Worry About

The other day I had a conversation with a gentleman who expressed concern about providing discipline to horses in front of other people. He didn't want anyone thinking he would ever mistreat a horse. That's a concern almost everyone has, including many professionals in the horse industry.  

Where is all this worry coming from when ninety-nine percent of the people passing through barn doors want to be kind to horses? The other one percent just wants directions to Starbucks.  

The worry comes from the fact that we are accustomed to thinking and speaking negatively about ourselves and other people. We all do it, but then we worry about others doing it to us. It's behavior exclusive to humans and totally counterproductive to happiness. We're hilarious, really. 

Discipline is part of the natural order of life for both humans and horses. Interesting thing about horses is, if one feels like you deserve some discipline it won't hesitate to provide it. Have you ever been bitten by a horse? Pushed out of the way? Kicked at? Well, there you go. You've been disciplined by a horse.

Did you notice the reprimand came fast and firm? Sure it did. Discipline is not something horses dillydally about or waste a lot of energy on.

Did you get the sense that the horse felt bad about reprimanding you? No, of course not. Horses don't bother themselves with feeling guilty about their actions. They are quite alright just learning from them.

Did other horses come running over to tell that horse he ought to be ashamed of himself for reprimanding you the way he did? Hardly. Horses will advocate on your behalf only if it provides immediate benefit to them. Meanwhile, they mind their own business.

I like the way horses approach discipline because they keep it plain and simple, never attaching remorse, shame or embarrassment to it. They are just straight and to the point. Don't hurt others and don't allow others to hurt you... it's a life lesson both humans and horses must learn to coexist peacefully with other beings. And we all learn it by hurting and getting hurt until we learn how to get it just right.

Trainers and riding instructors can only give their best guidance, but then they must get out of the way and let individuals start to figure out for themselves how to get it just right. What makes most people uncomfortable is seeing someone over-discipline a horse. That's what gets folks in an uproar and ready to jump on the social-media-public-shaming bandwagon. 

Before you are tempted to join in, know this. There's not a single great horse person in the world who hasn't done something they regretted. But you know what? That is how they learned best not to do it again. As a teaching tool, shaming anyone pales in comparison to letting folks learn from their own actions and providing them some empathy along the way. You are going to make your mistakes, too. To wit, lift up or shut up is a pretty good motto to live by.

To stay safe around horses, you've got to get over feeling bad about disciplining them when necessary... even if someone happens to be watching. You are responsible for yourself and your relationship with your horse at all times, not just when you are alone with him. 

Bear in mind that horses behave unmannerly mainly when they feel insecure. So, if you are chatting with another rider and your horse is stomping his hoof or nipping at you, he's basically wanting to know if you are still aware that you are supposed to be keeping him safe. Checking him on his manners right then and there reassures him that, yes, you are aware. It also sets a good example for the other rider... who might just be worrying about disciplining her horse in front of you.

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STARTING FROM STILLNESS: This Changes Everything!

At the beginning of my (almost) daily yoga practice, I spend a few quiet moments sitting cross-legged on my mat.  I clear my head of any conscious thoughts by concentrating only my breathing. Yogi's call this a moment of stillness, and it was difficult for me to achieve or understand at first.  But the more I paid attention to my breath, the more I could begin to feel the way it moves my body. One day I started following that movement, allowing myself to sway gently back and forth as I drew in and released air. By "going with the flow" so to speak, I found myself coming into a state of such deep relaxation that I finally found a true moment of stillness in my mind. I was delighted, and what came next was even better. Having come to that place of stillness in my mind, it was suddenly a whole lot easier for me to move my body into downward dog positions and whatnot. Aha, finally the whole thing made sense.

The reason I bring this up is because, over the past several months, I've found that starting from stillness benefits me with horses too. I discovered this by accident when someone asked me to work with their ridiculously high-strung horse on a day I didn't feel like exerting much effort doing anything. Just being in the vicinity of the horse was wearing me out.

Now, normally, I allow nervous horses to move around as much as they seem to need, and I bring down their energy level gradually by getting them to do different things. But on this day, without even thinking about it, the second I took hold of the lunge line I gave it a quick jerk and said, "Whoa!" That halted the horse's feet for about 2 seconds. So I repeated the process a couple more times, and he finally planted his feet.

Then I just started moving away from the horse and his unwanted energy. If he attempted to move with me, I got after him and made him put his feet right back in place. I walked out about half the distance of the lunge line and just stood there. Except for making sure his feet stayed still, I didn't do anything but allow myself to feel calm despite the fact that the horse was frantically swinging his head from side to side.

Soon I began to sense a change. It felt like the horse was starting to think more about me and what I was doing, and less about any ghosts that might be trying to sneak up behind him. It was then that it occurred to me just how reasonable it was to ask him to stop moving his feet. I had unwittingly let him know that he and I were going to start from a moment of stillness. I was already in one of those moments myself...I just had to give him time to come into it with me. Horses always prefer to feel calm rather than nervous, so it didn't take him long to dump every bit of that negative energy he'd been carrying around.  

When he lowered his head and stood completely relaxed, I made my way leisurely back to him and spent some time just rubbing his neck, allowing the both of us to enjoy the moment. My own appreciation for it grew exponentially when I realized it took less than five minutes for that horse to go from high as a kite to completely calm, and I barely had to do a thing. Less than five freaking minutes!

Since that day, I've been starting from stillness every time I come into contact with an anxious or aggressive horse. How do they get that way in the first place? By being handled by folks who aren't completely comfortable handling some of their behaviors, that's how. If a horse spooks and freaks out its handler, the handler's negative nervous energy transfers right to the horse, causing it to spook a little more and so on. It's a vicious cycle. The reason it is easy for folks like me to break that cycle is because horses always do what's in their best interest. Since carrying around negative energy feels like crap, they are always willing to dump negative energy just as soon as someone lets them...a person who does not let any of their behaviors freak them out.

I've discovered that starting from stillness allows horses to dump any negative energy as soon as they meet me. It clears the air between us. It gets us both in a positive frame of mind (rather than just me) before I begin asking the horse to move its body in any way. And those few quiet moments make it sooooo much easier for horses to move their bodies the way I'd like for them to when I ask.

Sure, horses still present me with some pretty hefty challenges, but not nearly to the extent I'd come to expect.  Now, if a horse gets itself worked up about anything I ask it to do, I try to get it to halt as quickly as possible...and then I ask again from another moment of stillness. I feel like I am listening to horses much more closely than I had before. I am amazed at how much easier this has made my life, as well as the horses'.

Starting from stillness changes everything. I highly recommend you give it a try it, especially if you have not yet learned how to remain calm no matter what your horse does. That is a skill every rider needs, and this will give you plenty of time to practice. 

To learn more about getting calm behavior from your horse, 

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