GETTING MORE JOY OUT OF YOUR JOURNEY

Beau enjoying green pastures...

Greetings, friends! I'm back after a refreshing hiatus that lasted longer than planned. Although I've periodically posted to my Facebook page, my last blog entry was in March. Since then, I sold my house in Michigan and moved to Illinois just in time for summer to steam up. And up, and UP! I prefer not to ride in hell-degree temperatures, so I let Beau settle into the routine at his new barn while I did some traveling and other fun stuff. l'm sharing some pics but promise not to torture you with an essay on how I spent my summer vacation. This is a blog about horses after all, with the intention of helping you enjoy your journey with yours. Are you?

That's a question worth asking yourself on a regular basis because you probably got into horses specifically to increase the joy in your life. I'm all for helping horse people increase their joy because it increases positive energy in barns. That benefits us all, and our horses even more so. After all, they're the ones spending the most time there... living within the energy we create.

...and making new friends. (Photo by Birgit Spears)

So, if you're not enjoying your journey as much as you'd like... whether at the barn, work, home, or wherever... here's a little tip. Stop thinking you have to learn how to control your emotions. Just give it up. It's an exercise in futility.

Emotions are like wild horses that refuse to be tamed. That's because they were never meant to be. And, like horses, they are too big to overpower. You can try to suppress them, which so many people do, but it's the same as sticking a herd of wild horses in a barn in which they refuse to stay. They'll just start kicking the walls and eventually destroy the building from the inside out. 

Give up trying to control your emotions. Set your wild horses free to do their job, which is to serve as guides to your happiness. The joy comes when you steer your thoughts in the direction they are pulling you.

My pups enjoying the porch at our
new home.

When you think positive thoughts about yourself, a situation or other people, you feel positive emotion, correct? Of course you do because your wild horses are saying, "Yes, yes, yes! Come this way to happiness." Conversely, when you think negatively about anything your wild horses give you a kick. Doubt, anger, worry, guilt, fear, etc...negative emotion is nothing more than your herd saying, "Knock it off! Turn your thoughts in a better feeling direction." 

It might seem like it's other people doing the kicking, and that's because most of the world's population think people ought to feel bad for all kinds of reasons. That's the kind of thinking that gets people doubting their emotional guidance systems in the first place. For the sake of your own happiness, give up worrying about what other people think and start caring more about what you think.

And here I am enjoying Garden of
the Gods in Colorado Springs.

Your own thoughts, on every subject, matter to your happiness more than anything else. Your wild horses will always let you know if you are thinking in alignment with your own happiness. They are your direct link to your inner-being... 

...the divine part of you that knows you are meant to feel good about yourself all the time. You feel bad only when you think otherwise. (Kick!) 

...the part of you that knows you are capable of doing, being and having whatever you want. You feel bad only when you think differently. (Kick, kick!) 

...the part of you that knows others are meant to feel good about themselves as well. You feel bad about other people only when you think in opposition. (Kick, kick, kick!)

To truly enjoy every step of your journey, it's imperative you think about how your thoughts make you feel, and train yourself to reach for thoughts that make you feel better. It's not always easy, but it is always possible. Practice enough and you'll see. Get in the habit of thinking about things the way your inner-being does and you'll discover so much happiness wild horses couldn't drag you back to thinking any other way. 

________________________________________________________

Enjoy your journey to the fullest by learning how to get calm, cooperative behavior from your horse! 

"Just got your book and I can't put it down! Packed with knowledge and instruction, can't wait to pass on the gold!"

-Katie Keller Trosclair

CLICK HERE TO ORDER & SAVE 15%

SEEING HUMANS THROUGH HORSES' EYES: It's a Life Changer!

In a lunging session a few weeks ago, one of my students was allowing her horse to crowd her space. I pointed out the issue but before she could get it resolved, the mare wheeled around and kicked her smack dab in the ribs. Turns out her coat absorbed pretty much the entire impact (shout out to Carhartt!), but it was a scary scene for a few minutes. Since her mom and sister were there, it was a frightening family experience, permeated by shock, fear, panic, doubt, worry... you name it. Later on that evening, it struck me that the one awful emotion none of them felt was anger toward the horse. I found that heartwarming, quite normal, and very interesting. If we can let animals off the hook that easily, why not each other?

Come on, I've seen horses bite, step on, and drag folks around without anyone getting offended. Yet people just have to look at each other the wrong way for feelings to get hurt... and drama, anger, disappointment, resentment, blah, blah, blah to ensue. When it ensues in barns, it sucks the fun right out of the places we go to primarily to have fun. Why do we do that to ourselves?

I was pondering that question when I happened upon a quote that read, "The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you." Well, there's a clue. Surely that very mindset gets us looking for flaws and mistakes, which gets us thinking we need to fix them. For what purpose? To be better people? Who's to say we're not all perfectly fine just as we are at any given moment? At every given moment?

When I'm working with horses, I can tell they know this about themselves. They never look for my approval or disapproval. In fact, they make it pretty clear that my opinion of them means diddly squat to them. I never see horses trying to be better horses. I see us trying to get them to do things in a better way, yet those who have the most success carry the belief that the horse are perfectly fine as is every step along the way.

I can tell horses know we are, too. While horses constantly challenge us to get better at what we're doing, they never offer approval or disapproval of any of us personally no matter what we're doing. It wouldn't occur to them to do so because they are too in tune with who they are. They are too approving of themselves to be disapproving of us. No wonder it's so easy for us to let them off the hook. They do the same for us all the time, which is what makes being around them quite pleasant.

In the interest of living a joyful life, I'm following their lead on this one. I have to admit that, to me, the only thing that's worse than feeling offended by other humans is the feeling that I am offensive to others for some reason. And we humans come up with plenty of reasons... an infinite, exhausting, never-ending number of reasons.

There's no getting to the bottom of that bottomless pit, although there is humor in attempting it. On the same day I found that first quote, I saw another that read, "Don't be an asshole to me because then I'll have to be an asshole to you, and I'm better at being an asshole than you are." I'm not going to lie, it made me laugh.

Still, I can't help but wonder who dreams of growing up to become an asshole? Nobody, that's who...and yet we all somehow seem to meet our fair share. And then we sort of have to become assholes to stick up for ourselves, or we have to become the "bigger person." What does that even mean? That we're better than somebody else? Seems like thinking that would make us the biggest assholes of all...at least until somebody who's better at it comes along. This is the maniacal merry-go-round that keeps on spinning, leaving the people on board feeling underwhelmed with...well, the people on board.

You can't expect anybody on that ride to save you, but you can jump off to save yourself. I feel like horses pushed me off that carousel, and I couldn't be more grateful. The way they see themselves has me looking at myself and other humans as perfectly fine as is all the time. Knowing I have nothing to fix, it's so easy to let people off the hook... and so freeing I don't even care if anyone returns the favor.

_______________________________________________

"Just got your book and I can't put it down! Packed with knowledge and instruction, can't wait to pass on the gold!"

-Katie Keller Trosclair

CLICK HERE TO ORDER YOUR

COPY TODAY AND SAVE 15%!

UNEXPECTED TRANSITIONS: Tips on Handling Horses' and Life's Sudden Surprises

Transitioning into the new year had me thinking quite a bit about transitions. When we know a change of pace is coming, we can plan for it. But what if a horse suddenly slams on the brakes or lurches to one side or the other? It's during these "surprise" transitions that many riders fall off or get scared. Often folks come away from these experiences feeling as if they had lost something important (confidence in themselves, trust in their horse, etc.) rather than gained something valuable. Then there are those riders who appear to have butts made of Velcro. It seems horses can't do anything to unseat them. What's their secret?

I recently gained some insight when I was met with a surprise transition of my own... one that did not occur on horseback. This particularly abrupt change took place in my personal life, which is something I don't usually blog about. But since we're talking about transitions, it seems a fitting time for me to transition out of my norm. Long story short, my beloved Gerald decided he no longer wanted to be my beloved. Apparently he made that decision some time ago, but I learned about it just before the holidays when a friend I haven't heard from in many years called to tell me his girlfriend had been cheating on him for several months...with Gerald.

Now, I adore Gerald. I have since the day I met him, and I was planning on spending many more years with him. From my perspective, we were two peas delighted to be in the same pod. I had no idea we were having problems, so initially you could have knocked me over with a feather... especially given the strangeness of him hooking up with my old boyfriend's girlfriend combined with the sudden discovery of his freakishly magnificent acting skills. But it didn't take me long to realize I have a Velcro butt of my own, at least when it comes to riding life's surprises. 

In retrospect, I gained this bit of clarity. It doesn't matter if it's your horse that decides to bolt or the man you love, unexpected transitions are what they are. Whether you are sitting in a saddle or in a chair at your dining room table, similar concepts apply to riding them beautifully. 

It's important to know not only where your center of balance is, but what its purpose is. In the saddle, your center of balance is in your core, that unseen part of you that lies between your navel and your spine. You have to feel for it to find it, and then allow the weight of your body to extend evenly from it. That takes a lot of concentration at first...a lot of consciously thinking about what your body is doing... because most of us have ways of carrying ourselves crooked without being aware of it. The purpose of your center of balance is to allow you to carry yourself upright and independently so your horse can move freely beneath you.

In life, your center of balance is in your soul, that unseen part of you that knows you are worthy of unconditional love and happiness. Most of us are taught we are anything but, so we learn to think crookedly without being aware of it. Try going an entire day without having a single negative thought about yourself or anyone else and you'll see what I mean. You don't have to go feeling around to find your soul because every emotion you experience lets you know it's right there...and whether or not you are in alignment with it.  Thoughts that feel positive are; those that don't are not. Your soul's purpose is to allow you carry yourself upright and independently, free to enjoy being yourself while allowing others the freedom to be themselves.

It's important to trust your center of balance. For you to trust your center of balance in the saddle, you must strengthen the muscles around it. It's only when you are strong in your core that you will be able to relax your limbs and allow your center of balance to do its job. Same goes for your center of balance in life. You've got to trust your soul to guide you to your greatest joy. You don't have to strengthen your soul. It's already incredibly strong. But you do have to strengthen your mind so it can relax and let your soul to do its job. 

While strengthening your core muscles calls for you to move your body, strengthening your mind calls for you to move your thoughts. It gets you thinking about the thoughts rambling around in your head, and then adjusting any negative thoughts until they feel more positive. Souls have only positive opinions about everything. So, once you start the process you will begin to discover feeling negative about anything is just lazy thinking.

Sink in. On horseback, this is equivalent to allowing your weight to drop down in the saddle and anchor you in place. Doing so allows you to feel as if you are one with the horse. In life, it is equivalent to allowing yourself to believe what makes you happy. You get to believe whatever you want, so why not? Try it for awhile and you'll start to feel as if you are one with the whole universe.

Practice regularly and with purpose. To get good at anything, you have to practice regularly...and with the intention of getting really good at it. You can't practice riding a bolting horse unless your horse actually bolts, but you can practice strengthening your core muscles, trusting your center of balance, and sinking into your horse rather than just perching on top of him. The more you practice these things, the more prepared you will be to remain calm and go with the flow should your horse happen to bolt.

I spent literally zero time practicing for Gerald to bolt, but I have spent a ton of time moving my thoughts around on many different subjects in effort to line up with my soul's positive opinion on everything. So, despite not foreseeing this transition, I was definitely prepared to go with the flow. I'm not saying it didn't hurt. It was the most disturbing pain I've ever felt in my life, which is why it took me about two seconds to let go of it. I don't like feeling pain at all. I like feeling happy. I can't control what Gerald or anyone else does, but I can always reach for thoughts that make me feel good no matter what Gerald or anyone else does.

It makes me feel good to think about the joy and laughter Gerald brought into my life. It makes me feel good to think I did a really good job of seeing the best in him and loving him unconditionally. As a result, I got to spend eight years of my life hanging out with a man I adore and thinking all the while he felt the same way about me. That was really fun!

Except for the weird and uncomfortable ending Gerald presented, I had an incredibly good time. So when he asked if I wanted to "talk about it," every instinct in my body led me to say no and I'm glad I did. I'm glad I let him walk away keeping his negative opinions about me and our relationship to himself. My positive ones feel positively great to me, and they are the only ones I want to carry into my future.

Unexpected transitions, whether on horseback or in life in general, are what they are. How we handle them is proof of what we've spent time practicing. Practice with purpose, my friends, and you will be prepared not only to survive abrupt changes but to thrive through them. 

Public Displays of Discipline are Nothing to Worry About

The other day I had a conversation with a gentleman who expressed concern about providing discipline to horses in front of other people. He didn't want anyone thinking he would ever mistreat a horse. That's a concern almost everyone has, including many professionals in the horse industry.  

Where is all this worry coming from when ninety-nine percent of the people passing through barn doors want to be kind to horses? The other one percent just wants directions to Starbucks.  

The worry comes from the fact that we are accustomed to thinking and speaking negatively about ourselves and other people. We all do it, but then we worry about others doing it to us. It's behavior exclusive to humans and totally counterproductive to happiness. We're hilarious, really. 

Discipline is part of the natural order of life for both humans and horses. Interesting thing about horses is, if one feels like you deserve some discipline it won't hesitate to provide it. Have you ever been bitten by a horse? Pushed out of the way? Kicked at? Well, there you go. You've been disciplined by a horse.

Did you notice the reprimand came fast and firm? Sure it did. Discipline is not something horses dillydally about or waste a lot of energy on.

Did you get the sense that the horse felt bad about reprimanding you? No, of course not. Horses don't bother themselves with feeling guilty about their actions. They are quite alright just learning from them.

Did other horses come running over to tell that horse he ought to be ashamed of himself for reprimanding you the way he did? Hardly. Horses will advocate on your behalf only if it provides immediate benefit to them. Meanwhile, they mind their own business.

I like the way horses approach discipline because they keep it plain and simple, never attaching remorse, shame or embarrassment to it. They are just straight and to the point. Don't hurt others and don't allow others to hurt you... it's a life lesson both humans and horses must learn to coexist peacefully with other beings. And we all learn it by hurting and getting hurt until we learn how to get it just right.

Trainers and riding instructors can only give their best guidance, but then they must get out of the way and let individuals start to figure out for themselves how to get it just right. What makes most people uncomfortable is seeing someone over-discipline a horse. That's what gets folks in an uproar and ready to jump on the social-media-public-shaming bandwagon. 

Before you are tempted to join in, know this. There's not a single great horse person in the world who hasn't done something they regretted. But you know what? That is how they learned best not to do it again. As a teaching tool, shaming anyone pales in comparison to letting folks learn from their own actions and providing them some empathy along the way. You are going to make your mistakes, too. To wit, lift up or shut up is a pretty good motto to live by.

To stay safe around horses, you've got to get over feeling bad about disciplining them when necessary... even if someone happens to be watching. You are responsible for yourself and your relationship with your horse at all times, not just when you are alone with him. 

Bear in mind that horses behave unmannerly mainly when they feel insecure. So, if you are chatting with another rider and your horse is stomping his hoof or nipping at you, he's basically wanting to know if you are still aware that you are supposed to be keeping him safe. Checking him on his manners right then and there reassures him that, yes, you are aware. It also sets a good example for the other rider... who might just be worrying about disciplining her horse in front of you.

__________________________________________________

To learn more about getting mannerly behavior from your horse, 

order The ALPHA Equestrian Challenge today!

STARTING FROM STILLNESS: This Changes Everything!

At the beginning of my (almost) daily yoga practice, I spend a few quiet moments sitting cross-legged on my mat.  I clear my head of any conscious thoughts by concentrating only my breathing. Yogi's call this a moment of stillness, and it was difficult for me to achieve or understand at first.  But the more I paid attention to my breath, the more I could begin to feel the way it moves my body. One day I started following that movement, allowing myself to sway gently back and forth as I drew in and released air. By "going with the flow" so to speak, I found myself coming into a state of such deep relaxation that I finally found a true moment of stillness in my mind. I was delighted, and what came next was even better. Having come to that place of stillness in my mind, it was suddenly a whole lot easier for me to move my body into downward dog positions and whatnot. Aha, finally the whole thing made sense.

The reason I bring this up is because, over the past several months, I've found that starting from stillness benefits me with horses too. I discovered this by accident when someone asked me to work with their ridiculously high-strung horse on a day I didn't feel like exerting much effort doing anything. Just being in the vicinity of the horse was wearing me out.

Now, normally, I allow nervous horses to move around as much as they seem to need, and I bring down their energy level gradually by getting them to do different things. But on this day, without even thinking about it, the second I took hold of the lunge line I gave it a quick jerk and said, "Whoa!" That halted the horse's feet for about 2 seconds. So I repeated the process a couple more times, and he finally planted his feet.

Then I just started moving away from the horse and his unwanted energy. If he attempted to move with me, I got after him and made him put his feet right back in place. I walked out about half the distance of the lunge line and just stood there. Except for making sure his feet stayed still, I didn't do anything but allow myself to feel calm despite the fact that the horse was frantically swinging his head from side to side.

Soon I began to sense a change. It felt like the horse was starting to think more about me and what I was doing, and less about any ghosts that might be trying to sneak up behind him. It was then that it occurred to me just how reasonable it was to ask him to stop moving his feet. I had unwittingly let him know that he and I were going to start from a moment of stillness. I was already in one of those moments myself...I just had to give him time to come into it with me. Horses always prefer to feel calm rather than nervous, so it didn't take him long to dump every bit of that negative energy he'd been carrying around.  

When he lowered his head and stood completely relaxed, I made my way leisurely back to him and spent some time just rubbing his neck, allowing the both of us to enjoy the moment. My own appreciation for it grew exponentially when I realized it took less than five minutes for that horse to go from high as a kite to completely calm, and I barely had to do a thing. Less than five freaking minutes!

Since that day, I've been starting from stillness every time I come into contact with an anxious or aggressive horse. How do they get that way in the first place? By being handled by folks who aren't completely comfortable handling some of their behaviors, that's how. If a horse spooks and freaks out its handler, the handler's negative nervous energy transfers right to the horse, causing it to spook a little more and so on. It's a vicious cycle. The reason it is easy for folks like me to break that cycle is because horses always do what's in their best interest. Since carrying around negative energy feels like crap, they are always willing to dump negative energy just as soon as someone lets them...a person who does not let any of their behaviors freak them out.

I've discovered that starting from stillness allows horses to dump any negative energy as soon as they meet me. It clears the air between us. It gets us both in a positive frame of mind (rather than just me) before I begin asking the horse to move its body in any way. And those few quiet moments make it sooooo much easier for horses to move their bodies the way I'd like for them to when I ask.

Sure, horses still present me with some pretty hefty challenges, but not nearly to the extent I'd come to expect.  Now, if a horse gets itself worked up about anything I ask it to do, I try to get it to halt as quickly as possible...and then I ask again from another moment of stillness. I feel like I am listening to horses much more closely than I had before. I am amazed at how much easier this has made my life, as well as the horses'.

Starting from stillness changes everything. I highly recommend you give it a try it, especially if you have not yet learned how to remain calm no matter what your horse does. That is a skill every rider needs, and this will give you plenty of time to practice. 

To learn more about getting calm behavior from your horse, 

order The ALPHA Equestrian Challenge today!

__________________________________________________

EMBRACING THE SPIRIT OF THE HORSE: A Lesson in Love

A major difference between horses and humans is that horses love themselves unconditionally with ease while we humans struggle to do so. Because we struggle, it is normal for people to worry about how other people treat horses. One of the best things about working with horses is that they help us gain clarity on the subject of unconditional love. Perhaps a little clarity will soothe some of that worry. 

Because horses love themselves unconditionally, they are alright with being horses all the time. No matter how screwed up some of them might seem to us, they all see themselves as normal horses. There is nothing we can do to change their perception of themselves. No matter how horses behave, getting them to accept that there is anything wrong, abnormal, unnatural or sinister about their behavior is impossible. 

When we attempt to get horses to change their behavior, those who begin on the assumption that there is something wrong with a horse (e.g. it is crazy, stupid or mean) meet up with a ton of resistance because they create discord. They put themselves at odds with the horse by holding a negative opinion of it.  A horse will never accept a human's negative opinion of it. Thus the discord, thus the resistance. 

Horses will accept our positive opinions of them because they are in harmony with their own opinions of themselves. So, if you're trying to get what you think is a crazy, stupid or mean horse to behave calmly, you will have a much easier time of it if you ditch the thought that the horse is crazy, stupid or mean and simply think of it as a normal horse.

From alarmingly violent to blissfully serene and everything in between, horse behavior is what it is. To horses, it's all fine. Under no conditions will horses ever feel bad about themselves for behaving as horses. We couldn't cause them to even if we tried.

In comparison, we humans get down on ourselves for behaving as humans under almost all conditions. We do it on a regular basis and with such ease that most of the time we're not even aware that we're doing it. We are actually in the act of doing it when we worry about how others treat horses. Human/horse interaction is not always a pretty sight. We all see things we don't like to see, things we wish others would just stop doing... things that inspire us to want to get others to change their behavior. And then we slip effortlessly into embracing feelings of indignation, outrage and disgust while demanding punishment and retribution for behavior that we insist humans should feel embarrassed, guilty or ashamed of. Whew, talk about creating discord!

No matter how screwed up we humans might seem, we are all perfectly normal people. Deep inside each and every one of us is a soul that knows it is worthy of unconditional love no matter how we behave on this earth. From alarmingly violent to blissfully serene, human behavior is what it is. To our souls, it is all fine. Getting our souls to accept that there is anything wrong, abnormal, unnatural or evil about our behavior is impossible. Under no circumstances will our souls ever feel bad about us for behaving as humans.

So when we attempt to get any of us to change our behavior by beginning on the the premise that there is something wrong with it, we meet enormous resistance. The whole thing becomes a battle. It doesn't feel fantastic to anyone involved because, on some very deep level, each of us understands it is not in harmony with who we really are. Our souls simply won't accept our negative opinions of ourselves. We create disord... thus the resistance, thus all the bad feelings.

Unconditional love is what allows horses to live in the moment and to offer us humans reflection without judgement. From birth to death horses are one hundred percent accepting of themselves.  That is the spirit of the horse, the spirit that inspires us to want everyone to do right by them... and all the while our own spirits are telling us we cannot do wrong. The only time we worry, fret, get mad or indignant about what anyone is doing to a horse is when we are in opposition with our souls' opinion of us.

We all become so much more joyful, interesting and fun to be around when we embrace unconditional love and seek out ways to apply it in our daily lives. I was thinking about that when a thought occurred to me. You know how the golden rule is to treat others the way we want to be treated? It's really easy to follow when we all agree, but it's most important for us to follow it when we don't. Perhaps we horse-lovers would have an easier time doing that if we thought of it like this: treat others the way we want others to treat horses. That's one suggestion. I so hope you will share yours.

We honor the spirit of the horse by honoring the spirit of the rider. Nature won't have it any other way. 

___________________________________________________________________

ORDER YOUR COPY TODAY!