Public Displays of Discipline are Nothing to Worry About

The other day I had a conversation with a gentleman who expressed concern about providing discipline to horses in front of other people. He didn't want anyone thinking he would ever mistreat a horse. That's a concern almost everyone has, including many professionals in the horse industry.  

Where is all this worry coming from when ninety-nine percent of the people passing through barn doors want to be kind to horses? The other one percent just wants directions to Starbucks.  

The worry comes from the fact that we are accustomed to thinking and speaking negatively about ourselves and other people. We all do it, but then we worry about others doing it to us. It's behavior exclusive to humans and totally counterproductive to happiness. We're hilarious, really. 

Discipline is part of the natural order of life for both humans and horses. Interesting thing about horses is, if one feels like you deserve some discipline it won't hesitate to provide it. Have you ever been bitten by a horse? Pushed out of the way? Kicked at? Well, there you go. You've been disciplined by a horse.

Did you notice the reprimand came fast and firm? Sure it did. Discipline is not something horses dillydally about or waste a lot of energy on.

Did you get the sense that the horse felt bad about reprimanding you? No, of course not. Horses don't bother themselves with feeling guilty about their actions. They are quite alright just learning from them.

Did other horses come running over to tell that horse he ought to be ashamed of himself for reprimanding you the way he did? Hardly. Horses will advocate on your behalf only if it provides immediate benefit to them. Meanwhile, they mind their own business.

I like the way horses approach discipline because they keep it plain and simple, never attaching remorse, shame or embarrassment to it. They are just straight and to the point. Don't hurt others and don't allow others to hurt you... it's a life lesson both humans and horses must learn to coexist peacefully with other beings. And we all learn it by hurting and getting hurt until we learn how to get it just right.

Trainers and riding instructors can only give their best guidance, but then they must get out of the way and let individuals start to figure out for themselves how to get it just right. What makes most people uncomfortable is seeing someone over-discipline a horse. That's what gets folks in an uproar and ready to jump on the social-media-public-shaming bandwagon. 

Before you are tempted to join in, know this. There's not a single great horse person in the world who hasn't done something they regretted. But you know what? That is how they learned best not to do it again. As a teaching tool, shaming anyone pales in comparison to letting folks learn from their own actions and providing them some empathy along the way. You are going to make your mistakes, too. To wit, lift up or shut up is a pretty good motto to live by.

To stay safe around horses, you've got to get over feeling bad about disciplining them when necessary... even if someone happens to be watching. You are responsible for yourself and your relationship with your horse at all times, not just when you are alone with him. 

Bear in mind that horses behave unmannerly mainly when they feel insecure. So, if you are chatting with another rider and your horse is stomping his hoof or nipping at you, he's basically wanting to know if you are still aware that you are supposed to be keeping him safe. Checking him on his manners right then and there reassures him that, yes, you are aware. It also sets a good example for the other rider... who might just be worrying about disciplining her horse in front of you.

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