Who Am I To Say, "This Isn't the Right Horse For You?"

Twice in my career I've played a part in convincing riders that their horses were not the right horses for them. Neither incident sat well with me. Both felt "off" somehow. The second one, in particular, changed me dramatically as a professional. It happened several years ago...

A young woman brought in a horse on a pre-purchase trial. In the course of getting to know him, she discovered that the horse was not adverse to striking out at her on the lunge line. When neither she nor her riding instructor could solve the issue, they asked for my help. I gave it a go, but the more pressure I put on the horse to move forward, the more violently he'd strike out with his front hooves.

The riding instructor thought the young woman should search for a different horse, and I agreed. My words to her were something like, "There are a lot of horses that don't have this habit. Go find one of them." She was really disappointed because she already felt some sort of connection with this horse. She decided to pass on him, though, based in part on my advice.

A couple of months later, a different instructor brought that very same horse back to the barn to try him out for one of her young students. I was concerned but, lo and behold, the striking-out was no longer an issue. The parents purchased him and he turned out to be a great horse for their teenage daughter.

It was a thoroughly humbling experience for me...and priceless. Here are just a few things I learned:

• My once poor opinion of that horse was not an accurate reflection of the horse. It was, however, a perfect reflection of where I was at as a trainer at the time. (I remind myself of that every time I even think of forming a negative opinion of a horse.)

• No matter how much I think I know, there is always more for me to learn... so much more. 

• Telling someone "this is not the right horse for you" is really an inaccurate way of saying "I don't know how to help you succeed with this horse." It's inaccurate because it implies there is something lacking in the horse or the rider; whereas, the latter statement places the insufficiency where it truly lies...in my current training/teaching ability. (No wonder both incidents felt "off" somehow.) 

Knowing what I know now, I'm loathe to say a horse "isn't right" or is "too much horse" for anyone. I feel like there is an over-abundance of that going on as it is. It discourages riders from exploring their potential as horse-handlers and trainers, and plenty of good horses fall through the cracks because of it. I prefer to support the "you can succeed with any horse you choose" mindset because it's the truth for every one of us.

I'm grateful things turned out well for that horse. He found a good home because he ran into a better trainer, one that drew out the best in him and got him over that aggressive behavior. He found a good home despite me, but I'm well aware of the fact that he could've wound up in a kill-pen had he kept running into the type of trainer I was at the time. Not my proudest moment, but one that impelled me to check my ego on a regular basis to give every horse a chance... and one that impelled me to up my game big time. 

In the years hence, I've met many horses that presented the same striking-out behavior. I've gotten them all past it simply by being more assertive in asking them to go forward. If I had it to do over again, I would not give up so easily on that horse, or myself.

I'm glad things turned out well for the young woman, too. She wound up purchasing a different horse and is very happy with her decision. Just look at her, though...

Ashley Tittle and Lyon, Hunters Run Horse Trials
(photo credit, here and above: Madison Collier)

... it's not like she's some shrinking violet. How could I have ever doubted she could succeed with any horse? Again, not my proudest moment, but one that makes me strive harder to keep my ego out of the mix... to not saddle others with my own fears or inadequacies. If I ever have to say "I don't know how to help you succeed with this horse," you best believe I will follow up with, "...but I bet someone else does."

I know other professionals have thoughts on this subject, and I look forward to hearing them. How do you go about balancing your responsibility for the safety of your students while encouraging them to extend their boundaries as equestrians? 

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" I am a huge supporter of your book.  I had been thinking about selling my horse due to her behavior and my fear.  Got to the point where I would have severe anxiety whenever I thought about riding.  Saw an ad for your book on Facebook and thought, "What do I have to lose?"  and purchased it.  I have been working with her ... for a little over a week and the change in myself and her is amazing.  Thank you."

-Shannon Guinan

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GETTING MORE JOY OUT OF YOUR JOURNEY

Beau enjoying green pastures...

Greetings, friends! I'm back after a refreshing hiatus that lasted longer than planned. Although I've periodically posted to my Facebook page, my last blog entry was in March. Since then, I sold my house in Michigan and moved to Illinois just in time for summer to steam up. And up, and UP! I prefer not to ride in hell-degree temperatures, so I let Beau settle into the routine at his new barn while I did some traveling and other fun stuff. l'm sharing some pics but promise not to torture you with an essay on how I spent my summer vacation. This is a blog about horses after all, with the intention of helping you enjoy your journey with yours. Are you?

That's a question worth asking yourself on a regular basis because you probably got into horses specifically to increase the joy in your life. I'm all for helping horse people increase their joy because it increases positive energy in barns. That benefits us all, and our horses even more so. After all, they're the ones spending the most time there... living within the energy we create.

...and making new friends. (Photo by Birgit Spears)

So, if you're not enjoying your journey as much as you'd like... whether at the barn, work, home, or wherever... here's a little tip. Stop thinking you have to learn how to control your emotions. Just give it up. It's an exercise in futility.

Emotions are like wild horses that refuse to be tamed. That's because they were never meant to be. And, like horses, they are too big to overpower. You can try to suppress them, which so many people do, but it's the same as sticking a herd of wild horses in a barn in which they refuse to stay. They'll just start kicking the walls and eventually destroy the building from the inside out. 

Give up trying to control your emotions. Set your wild horses free to do their job, which is to serve as guides to your happiness. The joy comes when you steer your thoughts in the direction they are pulling you.

My pups enjoying the porch at our
new home.

When you think positive thoughts about yourself, a situation or other people, you feel positive emotion, correct? Of course you do because your wild horses are saying, "Yes, yes, yes! Come this way to happiness." Conversely, when you think negatively about anything your wild horses give you a kick. Doubt, anger, worry, guilt, fear, etc...negative emotion is nothing more than your herd saying, "Knock it off! Turn your thoughts in a better feeling direction." 

It might seem like it's other people doing the kicking, and that's because most of the world's population think people ought to feel bad for all kinds of reasons. That's the kind of thinking that gets people doubting their emotional guidance systems in the first place. For the sake of your own happiness, give up worrying about what other people think and start caring more about what you think.

And here I am enjoying Garden of
the Gods in Colorado Springs.

Your own thoughts, on every subject, matter to your happiness more than anything else. Your wild horses will always let you know if you are thinking in alignment with your own happiness. They are your direct link to your inner-being... 

...the divine part of you that knows you are meant to feel good about yourself all the time. You feel bad only when you think otherwise. (Kick!) 

...the part of you that knows you are capable of doing, being and having whatever you want. You feel bad only when you think differently. (Kick, kick!) 

...the part of you that knows others are meant to feel good about themselves as well. You feel bad about other people only when you think in opposition. (Kick, kick, kick!)

To truly enjoy every step of your journey, it's imperative you think about how your thoughts make you feel, and train yourself to reach for thoughts that make you feel better. It's not always easy, but it is always possible. Practice enough and you'll see. Get in the habit of thinking about things the way your inner-being does and you'll discover so much happiness wild horses couldn't drag you back to thinking any other way. 

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Enjoy your journey to the fullest by learning how to get calm, cooperative behavior from your horse! 

"Just got your book and I can't put it down! Packed with knowledge and instruction, can't wait to pass on the gold!"

-Katie Keller Trosclair

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UNEXPECTED TRANSITIONS: Tips on Handling Horses' and Life's Sudden Surprises

Transitioning into the new year had me thinking quite a bit about transitions. When we know a change of pace is coming, we can plan for it. But what if a horse suddenly slams on the brakes or lurches to one side or the other? It's during these "surprise" transitions that many riders fall off or get scared. Often folks come away from these experiences feeling as if they had lost something important (confidence in themselves, trust in their horse, etc.) rather than gained something valuable. Then there are those riders who appear to have butts made of Velcro. It seems horses can't do anything to unseat them. What's their secret?

I recently gained some insight when I was met with a surprise transition of my own... one that did not occur on horseback. This particularly abrupt change took place in my personal life, which is something I don't usually blog about. But since we're talking about transitions, it seems a fitting time for me to transition out of my norm. Long story short, my beloved Gerald decided he no longer wanted to be my beloved. Apparently he made that decision some time ago, but I learned about it just before the holidays when a friend I haven't heard from in many years called to tell me his girlfriend had been cheating on him for several months...with Gerald.

Now, I adore Gerald. I have since the day I met him, and I was planning on spending many more years with him. From my perspective, we were two peas delighted to be in the same pod. I had no idea we were having problems, so initially you could have knocked me over with a feather... especially given the strangeness of him hooking up with my old boyfriend's girlfriend combined with the sudden discovery of his freakishly magnificent acting skills. But it didn't take me long to realize I have a Velcro butt of my own, at least when it comes to riding life's surprises. 

In retrospect, I gained this bit of clarity. It doesn't matter if it's your horse that decides to bolt or the man you love, unexpected transitions are what they are. Whether you are sitting in a saddle or in a chair at your dining room table, similar concepts apply to riding them beautifully. 

It's important to know not only where your center of balance is, but what its purpose is. In the saddle, your center of balance is in your core, that unseen part of you that lies between your navel and your spine. You have to feel for it to find it, and then allow the weight of your body to extend evenly from it. That takes a lot of concentration at first...a lot of consciously thinking about what your body is doing... because most of us have ways of carrying ourselves crooked without being aware of it. The purpose of your center of balance is to allow you to carry yourself upright and independently so your horse can move freely beneath you.

In life, your center of balance is in your soul, that unseen part of you that knows you are worthy of unconditional love and happiness. Most of us are taught we are anything but, so we learn to think crookedly without being aware of it. Try going an entire day without having a single negative thought about yourself or anyone else and you'll see what I mean. You don't have to go feeling around to find your soul because every emotion you experience lets you know it's right there...and whether or not you are in alignment with it.  Thoughts that feel positive are; those that don't are not. Your soul's purpose is to allow you carry yourself upright and independently, free to enjoy being yourself while allowing others the freedom to be themselves.

It's important to trust your center of balance. For you to trust your center of balance in the saddle, you must strengthen the muscles around it. It's only when you are strong in your core that you will be able to relax your limbs and allow your center of balance to do its job. Same goes for your center of balance in life. You've got to trust your soul to guide you to your greatest joy. You don't have to strengthen your soul. It's already incredibly strong. But you do have to strengthen your mind so it can relax and let your soul to do its job. 

While strengthening your core muscles calls for you to move your body, strengthening your mind calls for you to move your thoughts. It gets you thinking about the thoughts rambling around in your head, and then adjusting any negative thoughts until they feel more positive. Souls have only positive opinions about everything. So, once you start the process you will begin to discover feeling negative about anything is just lazy thinking.

Sink in. On horseback, this is equivalent to allowing your weight to drop down in the saddle and anchor you in place. Doing so allows you to feel as if you are one with the horse. In life, it is equivalent to allowing yourself to believe what makes you happy. You get to believe whatever you want, so why not? Try it for awhile and you'll start to feel as if you are one with the whole universe.

Practice regularly and with purpose. To get good at anything, you have to practice regularly...and with the intention of getting really good at it. You can't practice riding a bolting horse unless your horse actually bolts, but you can practice strengthening your core muscles, trusting your center of balance, and sinking into your horse rather than just perching on top of him. The more you practice these things, the more prepared you will be to remain calm and go with the flow should your horse happen to bolt.

I spent literally zero time practicing for Gerald to bolt, but I have spent a ton of time moving my thoughts around on many different subjects in effort to line up with my soul's positive opinion on everything. So, despite not foreseeing this transition, I was definitely prepared to go with the flow. I'm not saying it didn't hurt. It was the most disturbing pain I've ever felt in my life, which is why it took me about two seconds to let go of it. I don't like feeling pain at all. I like feeling happy. I can't control what Gerald or anyone else does, but I can always reach for thoughts that make me feel good no matter what Gerald or anyone else does.

It makes me feel good to think about the joy and laughter Gerald brought into my life. It makes me feel good to think I did a really good job of seeing the best in him and loving him unconditionally. As a result, I got to spend eight years of my life hanging out with a man I adore and thinking all the while he felt the same way about me. That was really fun!

Except for the weird and uncomfortable ending Gerald presented, I had an incredibly good time. So when he asked if I wanted to "talk about it," every instinct in my body led me to say no and I'm glad I did. I'm glad I let him walk away keeping his negative opinions about me and our relationship to himself. My positive ones feel positively great to me, and they are the only ones I want to carry into my future.

Unexpected transitions, whether on horseback or in life in general, are what they are. How we handle them is proof of what we've spent time practicing. Practice with purpose, my friends, and you will be prepared not only to survive abrupt changes but to thrive through them. 

SHOW SEASON PRIMER: Let the Fun Begin!

Stressed out, worried or nervous about an upcoming horse show? If so, you might be missing the whole point of going. Riding is a sport. Take it too seriously and you'll deprive yourself of the best part of participating in any sport - the fun! “But, I’ve spent so much money on training and lessons,” you might protest.  “I must take it very seriously!”

No, honestly, you don’t. “But, I’ve worked so hard and spent so many hours, days, months practicing. If I don’t win, it will all have been for naught.”

Mmm, no it won’t. “But, but, but…”

Stop! There are no buts. Get a grip on yourself. You got into riding in the first place for the fun of it. Keeping your eye on the prize means knowing that’s what the prize is – the fun. Everything else is just icing on the cake. If you have your doubts, read the USEF's Sportsman's Charter. Read it until it becomes personal because having fun is a requirement for living a happy life. Here it is...with some of my own thoughts about it:

That sport is something done for the fun of doing it and that it ceases to be sport when it becomes a business only, something done for what there is in it;

See, it’s right there in writing, "...something done for the fun of doing it.” Make

it about anything else (ribbons, fame, fortune, etc.) and soon you’ll start 

wondering why it’s not the blast it used to be. 

That amateurism is something of the heart and spirit - not a matter of exact technical qualifications;

Surely this speaks to idea that masters become masters by remaining eager and

passionate about their sport… by embracing, with childlike enthusiasm,

the notion that there is always opportunity for expansion. 

That good manners of sport are fundamentally important; That the code must be strictly upheld;

Oh, hell yes! Go to shows with the belief that everyone shares equal love for horses

plus the discipline to keep negative comments to yourself, and you will 

neither offend nor be offended.  We truly are all in this together.

That the whole structure of sport is not only preserved from the absurdity of undue importance, but is justified by a kind of romance which animates it, and by the positive virtues of courage, patience, good temper, and unselfishness which are demanded by the code;

I want to hug the genius who strung together the words “the absurdity of undue importance!” This might be the most useful phrase in the history of phrases.

That the exploitation of sport for profit alone kills the spirit and retains only the husk and semblance of the thing;

Kills the spirit... kills it dead. Blah.

That the qualities of frankness, courage, and sincerity which mark the good sportsman in private life shall mark the discussions of his interests at a competition.

Good sportsmanship is habit, rather than something dusted off at show time.

I don’t believe anyone intentionally sets out to be a big drag in life, but lots of people wind up becoming boring, grumpy, uptight fuddy-duddies by default because they forget how to have fun for the sake of having fun. So, if you must pressure yourself about an upcoming horse show, pressure yourself to be fun and to have fun. Plan on it!

Plan to cram in a last minute lesson only if you feel ecstatic about the idea. If not, plan to pamper yourself with some chill out time instead, and some positive self-talk. Plan to breathe deep and stay calm, for your horse’s sake as well as your own. Plan to do your best and be proud of yourself. Plan to laugh off your mistakes by learning from them. Plan to lend a hand if needed. Plan to make a friend by having at least one conversation with a rider you’ve not met before. Plan to be gracious to the show staff because chances are they are volunteers.  Plan to cheer for others with gusto…put your whole heart into it!

When the show is over and you’re lying in bed that night, overwhelmed with appreciation and joy for the day and the experience you created… no doubt you’ll drift off to sleep feeling a sense of happiness beyond anything you could have planned.

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Whether at horse shows or at home, all riders need their own leadership skills for their own safety. Get yours! Order The ALPHA Equestrian Challenge today!

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

It’s important to be consciously aware of what you are thinking when you are around your horse because thoughts are powerful things. Thoughts create energy, and horses can read energy like nobody’s business. We create positive energy by thinking about the things we like and want, and negative energy by thinking about the opposite. All that energy we create with our thoughts flows around us in countless invisible streams every second of every day.

Horses create energy as well because their instincts are unconscious thoughts. While mindlessly going with the flow of your horse’s energy is fun when he’s behaving the way you want, it’s a different story when he’s not. If you are not aware of what you are thinking, you can easily wind up in currents of negative energy.

Those trips begin the moment you zoom in on the unwanted behavior you horse is presenting… when you start fretting about it (“Oh my gosh, something is wrong with my horse.”) …over-analyzing it.  (“What is upsetting him, is he in pain, could he have had a bad experience?”) …letting it freak you out (“He won’t settle down!  He keeps rearing!”) Next thing you know, you begin expecting unwanted behavior (“She’s in heat so I doubt this is going to be much fun.”) …predicting it (“If you put my horse on crossties he will flip out.) …getting more of it (“He used to be pretty easy to catch but now it takes me 20 minutes.”)

It’s never more important to think about the behavior you want from your horse than when you’re not getting it. That’s when you must put the power of your thoughts to work for you.  For example, let’s say you begin lunging your horse and immediately he starts flying around, turning his butt to you and kicking out. Now, you must be aware of what your horse is doing so you can keep yourself safe. But at the same time, you should take a deep breath and ask yourself, “What do I want my horse to do?” Formulate a clear answer in your head and then focus on that. You will instantly begin creating your own positive energy; thereby giving your horse the opportunity to read it. Invite him into your energy rather than letting yourself get sucked into his.

Focusing on the behavior you want helps you be patient. That’s important because energy has momentum and it takes time for momentum to shift. If you’re thinking patience is not your strong suit, that’s because you’ve been going about it all wrong. You’ve been trying to be patient while thinking about what you don’t want. That only causes frustration, and it’s impossible to be frustrated and patient at the same time. But thinking about what you want makes you feel good, doesn’t it? That’s why we all like to daydream. We love imagining getting what we want. So if think about the behavior you want your horse to give you, you will find yourself melting into the moment…perhaps even enjoying it… no matter what your horse is doing. That’s patience!

Focusing on what you want gets you asking the questions that lead you to getting what you want. “Why won’t my horse trot calmly? Is the answer to that question what I really want, or do I really just want my horse to trot calmly? Hmm, how do I get my horse to trot calmly? I wonder if this will help?” That’s the noticeable turning point - when your thoughts become actions and you start trying things to get what you want.  Things you may have heard or read about or seen …or simply pulled from your greatest source of inspiration – your own imagination.

Focusing on what you want not only gets you headed in that general direction, but it helps you recognize subtle signs when you your horse starts heading in that direction too. Reward even the tiniest hints and your horse will happily hitch a ride on the flow of your energy. You can then begin narrowing down the specifics until you get exactly what you want.

Positive thinking is not magic, but it certainly creates magical moments. So be mindful to think about the behavior you want from your horse and go create your own!