ZEN YOUR WAY TO CALM RIDING: Five Tips for Overcoming the Jitters

Today I talked to a woman who was perfectly comfortable on her horse until it was time to canter.  Just thinking about it made her fear rise and her muscles tighten.  Letting your nerves get the best of you around horses, especially while riding, is never a good thing. Part of a rider’s job is learning to remain calm no matter what. The following techniques work wonders in helping you reach that goal.

Tell a success story.  Thoughts and words are energy, so use yours to send yourself in the direction you want to go. “I’m afraid to canter,” leaves you stuck in the here and now, focusing on the negative.   “I’m in training for the canter. Like all great riders, I’m learning to remain calm and focused at all times.”  Both statements are true, but try saying them out loud and see which one makes you feel as if you are already in a better situation.  Which one sparks some excitement and gets you looking forward to the journey ahead?

Learn to breathe from your belly. Deep belly breathing oxygenates the muscles, clears the mind to help you focus, and is one of the easiest ways to relax anytime. To learn how to do it, lie on the floor and put a book on your stomach.  As you breathe in, try to make the book rise. If your chest rises instead of the book, you are not breathing deeply enough. Once you get it down, make it a habit in the saddle. Check frequently to make sure you are deep belly breathing by placing your hand on your stomach. 

Develop better body awareness. To stay calm, you must train yourself out of unconsciously tightening your muscles. Develop better body awareness by consciously tensing and then relaxing different muscle groups.  Hold the tension as tight as possible for five seconds. Be aware of your breathing as you do this. You will notice that the tighter you tense your muscles, the shallower your breathing becomes.  As you release the tension, use your deep belly breathing to allow for total relaxation.

Visualize the new you.  Visualization is priceless because your subconscious retains memories of events whether you imagine them or if they happen in real life.  If cantering is your challenge, visualize yourself making canter transitions remaining perfectly calm and everything going right.  Think about how you will ask for the canter. Are you in two-point or sitting position? Are you asking for a clear balanced transition, or allowing your horse to dribble into the canter?  Try to feel yourself riding ten or twelve strides, then easing back into trot. Cantering for longer periods, speeding up, slowing down...a marching band popping up out of nowhere, and although you wonder what the heck, you remain calm and focused...breathing deeply from your belly...feeling the pure joy of following your horse’s movement in perfect harmony. Do you see yourself smiling?

Practice, practice, practice.  Remaining calm and focused is a learned behavior so plan to practice. Each day before entering the barn, take a moment to remind yourself that you are in training to become a bastion of serenity. Do some deep belly breathing until you actually feel yourself relax...then go greet your horse. 

Challenging yourself to step outside your comfort zone allows you to reach greater levels of calm confidence. Let yourself have fun and enjoy the process by taking one small step at a time.   

GET OVER FEAR OF UPSETTING YOUR HORSE: Horses Need Us to Challenge Them

Jennifer Kutch messaged me through Facebook to tell me that reading my book helped her solve many problems with her horse, Mack.  But she still struggled with a bolting issue and wanted to know if she could call and discuss it with me.  “Absolutely,” I replied!  (I’m thrilled when readers contact me!)  When we talked on the phone later on, I learned that Jennifer would have four or five good rides in a row, and then suddenly Mack would spook at something (anything, nothing) and go bolting off.  She wanted to solve the issue for once and for all.  I don’t blame her.

During the course of our conversation, I asked Jennifer lots of questions.  One of them happened to be, “Do you feel comfortable disciplining your horse when you’re in the saddle?”  Her answer revealed an important clue.

“No, I really don’t,” she said.  “When I first bought Mack, his previous owner told me that she found she could only push him so far without upsetting him.  That thought has been stuck in my mind since day one, so I’ve always gone a little bit easy on him.”

All horses get upset when we start pushing them outside their comfort zones.  They throw fits. They have a right to.  They are prey animals.  Comfort zones to them are literally a matter of life and death.  But it is only by calmly, steadily, fairly pushing horses beyond their comfort zones that we actually become their comfort zones. 

Horses’ fits can be intimidating, but to become good leaders we have to learn how to deal with them calmly.  Horses can’t help the fact that they are a lot bigger than us and can easily hurt us.  We just have to be aware of that and be smart about a) pushing our horses past throwing fits about stuff while we are standing on the ground; b) keeping their bodies away from ours so they can’t possibly hurt us; and c) trying our best not to push horses so far that they panic and hurt themselves.

Here’s an example: Suppose I try to lunge a horse over a little jump but the horse stops right in front of it, turns to me and rears up instead.  I’ve clearly pushed the horse far enough to upset him. That’s okay. What’s not okay is for me to allow his rearing to scare me.  Even if it does, I’m going to pretend like it doesn’t for the horse’s sake.  (Horses can’t stand it when their behavior freaks us out.)  Once the horse settled down, I would resume lunging and pretty quickly try to send him over the jump again. He’ll be much more likely to jump it this time (here’s the important part) because I didn't allow his fit to intimidate me.

 

Bomb-proofing exercises help Jennifer
build Mack's trust in her leadership.

Now if the horse happens to rear a second time, I would help him out by breaking the exercise down into smaller pieces.  I would walk with him over the jump a few times, and then send him out on the lunge to walk over it alone before bringing him back up to a trot.  I wouldn’t let the fact that he threw a fit about it at first prevent me from pushing the horse outside his comfort zone… but nor would I hesitate to make it easy for him to go there without throwing a fit.

Jennifer is on her way to becoming a great leader, but Mack knows she is still a bit intimidated by him.  After dealing with enough of his challenges, the time has come for Jennifer to get confident challenging Mack without fear of upsetting him.  I suggested she start by asking a friend to help her create bomb-proofing sessions that push Mack outside his comfort zone.  By working with her horse amidst all kinds of distractions that might upset him, she will give herself ample opportunity to become the calm, stabilizing factor that can prevent him from bolting anytime, anywhere.   

Female Equestrians - How We Fail Ourselves

In my opinion, men have an advantage with horses because they do not struggle with the concept of being mean to the extent women do.  It starts early on.  Tell a boy to hit a horse that bites him and he'll say okay.  Tell a girl to do the same thing and she'll say, "But that's so mean." Riders who can't bring the mean when needed get hurt by horses. Spend some time on Facebook and you will see how many girls believe the exact opposite. "All I know is that if I am nice to horses, horses will be nice to me," girls write.

Then girls walk into barns and see women being nice ("He likes exploring," says the woman who's horse is dragging her through the barn)...women going out of their way to be nice ("Something about that door scares him," says the woman walking around to the other side of the barn)... and women working extra hard to be nice ("He's scared of whips," says the woman struggling to get her horse in front of her leg.)

          

They see women avoid situations where they can't be nice ("I don't feed her treats by hand because she gets too pushy")... women insisting others be nice ("Hey, quiet down before you upset the horses in here")... and women apologizing for not being nice ("It was my fault, I never should have ridden him on such a windy day.") 

        

They watch women find excuses for the niceness not working ("The saddle must be hurting him," says the woman who got bucked off her horse)... and other women supporting this practice ("Yes, it's best to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he's getting too much grain. Maybe you should try a different bit. Maybe his hip joints are out. I know a good chiropractor.")

         

Girls see women remain nice no matter what ("He's always nipping at me but he doesn't do it do be mean," says the woman who's horse had bitten off her lip a year ago.)... they see women be nice even when they know they shouldn't ("I know I should get after her for being so pushy but I just love her too much.")... and they hear women condemning those who aren't nice ("Did you see the way she treated that horse? She ought to be ashamed of herself.") Is it any wonder girls struggle with the concept of being mean?

        

Girls hear women say, "You don't have to be mean but you do have to get your horse's respect."  What??? Why confuse them even more? Sometimes you HAVE to act mean to get a horse's respect! Horses teach this lesson the hard way every day! And right now there is a fresh generation of young girls primed and ready to learn this lesson from their horses too... yep, just like a bunch of sitting ducks. 

       

It is not enough that we teach girls to ride. We have to get them and ourselves over the handicap we created with all this senseless nicey-nice stuff. Until we do, this predominately female industry is failing its majority. THESE ARE OUR BODIES! We have a right to protect them, a responsibility to be mighty about it, and an obligation to act as MEAN AS NECESSARY WHEN NEEDED!