STARTING FROM STILLNESS: This Changes Everything!

At the beginning of my (almost) daily yoga practice, I spend a few quiet moments sitting cross-legged on my mat.  I clear my head of any conscious thoughts by concentrating only my breathing. Yogi's call this a moment of stillness, and it was difficult for me to achieve or understand at first.  But the more I paid attention to my breath, the more I could begin to feel the way it moves my body. One day I started following that movement, allowing myself to sway gently back and forth as I drew in and released air. By "going with the flow" so to speak, I found myself coming into a state of such deep relaxation that I finally found a true moment of stillness in my mind. I was delighted, and what came next was even better. Having come to that place of stillness in my mind, it was suddenly a whole lot easier for me to move my body into downward dog positions and whatnot. Aha, finally the whole thing made sense.

The reason I bring this up is because, over the past several months, I've found that starting from stillness benefits me with horses too. I discovered this by accident when someone asked me to work with their ridiculously high-strung horse on a day I didn't feel like exerting much effort doing anything. Just being in the vicinity of the horse was wearing me out.

Now, normally, I allow nervous horses to move around as much as they seem to need, and I bring down their energy level gradually by getting them to do different things. But on this day, without even thinking about it, the second I took hold of the lunge line I gave it a quick jerk and said, "Whoa!" That halted the horse's feet for about 2 seconds. So I repeated the process a couple more times, and he finally planted his feet.

Then I just started moving away from the horse and his unwanted energy. If he attempted to move with me, I got after him and made him put his feet right back in place. I walked out about half the distance of the lunge line and just stood there. Except for making sure his feet stayed still, I didn't do anything but allow myself to feel calm despite the fact that the horse was frantically swinging his head from side to side.

Soon I began to sense a change. It felt like the horse was starting to think more about me and what I was doing, and less about any ghosts that might be trying to sneak up behind him. It was then that it occurred to me just how reasonable it was to ask him to stop moving his feet. I had unwittingly let him know that he and I were going to start from a moment of stillness. I was already in one of those moments myself...I just had to give him time to come into it with me. Horses always prefer to feel calm rather than nervous, so it didn't take him long to dump every bit of that negative energy he'd been carrying around.  

When he lowered his head and stood completely relaxed, I made my way leisurely back to him and spent some time just rubbing his neck, allowing the both of us to enjoy the moment. My own appreciation for it grew exponentially when I realized it took less than five minutes for that horse to go from high as a kite to completely calm, and I barely had to do a thing. Less than five freaking minutes!

Since that day, I've been starting from stillness every time I come into contact with an anxious or aggressive horse. How do they get that way in the first place? By being handled by folks who aren't completely comfortable handling some of their behaviors, that's how. If a horse spooks and freaks out its handler, the handler's negative nervous energy transfers right to the horse, causing it to spook a little more and so on. It's a vicious cycle. The reason it is easy for folks like me to break that cycle is because horses always do what's in their best interest. Since carrying around negative energy feels like crap, they are always willing to dump negative energy just as soon as someone lets them...a person who does not let any of their behaviors freak them out.

I've discovered that starting from stillness allows horses to dump any negative energy as soon as they meet me. It clears the air between us. It gets us both in a positive frame of mind (rather than just me) before I begin asking the horse to move its body in any way. And those few quiet moments make it sooooo much easier for horses to move their bodies the way I'd like for them to when I ask.

Sure, horses still present me with some pretty hefty challenges, but not nearly to the extent I'd come to expect.  Now, if a horse gets itself worked up about anything I ask it to do, I try to get it to halt as quickly as possible...and then I ask again from another moment of stillness. I feel like I am listening to horses much more closely than I had before. I am amazed at how much easier this has made my life, as well as the horses'.

Starting from stillness changes everything. I highly recommend you give it a try it, especially if you have not yet learned how to remain calm no matter what your horse does. That is a skill every rider needs, and this will give you plenty of time to practice. 

To learn more about getting calm behavior from your horse, 

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DENIAL AND THE ART OF DRIVING OURSELVES BATTY

Over the past year, my student, Julie, has made huge strides in developing a tight, trusting bond with her horse. But there is still a kink to iron out, and it became apparent during a recent lesson.

Since it was a balmy sixty-some degree day here in Michigan, Julie was riding outside. As we were wrapping up, she looked over toward the barn where the big door to the indoor arena was drawn wide open to let in the fresh air. Now, despite her horse performing calmly and cooperatively for the entire lesson, she said, “Here’s one of the things that still bothers me about Jagger. He has been so good all morning, but I know if I rode him into the indoor right now he would get all antsy going through the door.”

“Why would you say that?” I asked, incredulously, knowing that just by thinking the thought she is once again forcing that door to be her nemesis. It’s been an ongoing issue for awhile.

“Because he would,” she insisted.  “I mean, he probably won’t bolt like he used to, but he will pop his head up and look around. He does it every single time we get near that door… like he’s waiting for something to jump out at him. It drives me crazy.”

Since it is the instructor’s challenge to offer words of wisdom to help students get past issues, I imparted this amazing piece of brilliance with all the eloquence of a five-year old.   “Oh my gosh, your horse is over the door, Julie! Over, over, OVER the door!”

I’m betting I even stomped my feet. I’m not sure. I did, however, stop short of throwing myself face-down on the ground.

Suddenly, in the midst of my fit, I was struck with inspiration.  “Listen, we all find it easy to believe it’s the horse and not us, but it’s never true. Horses let go of things almost immediately. On their own, they just don’t keep spooking at the same things over and over again. If Jagger had to walk through that door every day with other horses, do you honestly think he, or any of them, would act spooky about it every single time?  Day… after day… after day?”

“No, I actually don’t,” she answered. “I could see them being a little cautious the first time, but after that they would probably be just fine.  Wow, it really is me, isn’t it?”

Why is it so hard for us riders to come to grips with the fact that we cause horses to display all kinds of behaviors we don’t want? Are we that blind, that stubborn, or that unwilling to accept responsibility? I don’t think so, not at all. I think it’s because it is hard for us to fathom that we are that powerful… that we, as mere humans, can cause horses to do things simply with our thoughts.  But we can and we do all the time.

Julie’s horse was done and over with finding that door scary ages ago.  But the only way Julie will see that is if she lets go of seeing the door as a problem for once and for all.  How does she go about doing that?  Focus. Harness the power of the mind. Use it for good, not for evil.

“Let’s see what happens,” I suggested, “if you ride into the indoor thinking about exactly what you want. Say it out loud, calmly and clearly, and just keep saying it as you go.”

So, off Julie went speaking the words, “Jagger will walk calmly into the indoor.” And, sure enough, Jagger walked calmly into the indoor.  Tada!

Focus on a problem and the problem will always be there to focus upon.  Sometimes I think we have to drive ourselves completely batty to even contemplate the thought of getting out of the habit. Funny how that’s when solutions seem to flow right to us when we’re working with our horses…and, well… apparently with students, too.  Thanks for the lesson, Jules!

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EMBRACING THE SPIRIT OF THE HORSE: A Lesson in Love

A major difference between horses and humans is that horses love themselves unconditionally with ease while we humans struggle to do so. Because we struggle, it is normal for people to worry about how other people treat horses. One of the best things about working with horses is that they help us gain clarity on the subject of unconditional love. Perhaps a little clarity will soothe some of that worry. 

Because horses love themselves unconditionally, they are alright with being horses all the time. No matter how screwed up some of them might seem to us, they all see themselves as normal horses. There is nothing we can do to change their perception of themselves. No matter how horses behave, getting them to accept that there is anything wrong, abnormal, unnatural or sinister about their behavior is impossible. 

When we attempt to get horses to change their behavior, those who begin on the assumption that there is something wrong with a horse (e.g. it is crazy, stupid or mean) meet up with a ton of resistance because they create discord. They put themselves at odds with the horse by holding a negative opinion of it.  A horse will never accept a human's negative opinion of it. Thus the discord, thus the resistance. 

Horses will accept our positive opinions of them because they are in harmony with their own opinions of themselves. So, if you're trying to get what you think is a crazy, stupid or mean horse to behave calmly, you will have a much easier time of it if you ditch the thought that the horse is crazy, stupid or mean and simply think of it as a normal horse.

From alarmingly violent to blissfully serene and everything in between, horse behavior is what it is. To horses, it's all fine. Under no conditions will horses ever feel bad about themselves for behaving as horses. We couldn't cause them to even if we tried.

In comparison, we humans get down on ourselves for behaving as humans under almost all conditions. We do it on a regular basis and with such ease that most of the time we're not even aware that we're doing it. We are actually in the act of doing it when we worry about how others treat horses. Human/horse interaction is not always a pretty sight. We all see things we don't like to see, things we wish others would just stop doing... things that inspire us to want to get others to change their behavior. And then we slip effortlessly into embracing feelings of indignation, outrage and disgust while demanding punishment and retribution for behavior that we insist humans should feel embarrassed, guilty or ashamed of. Whew, talk about creating discord!

No matter how screwed up we humans might seem, we are all perfectly normal people. Deep inside each and every one of us is a soul that knows it is worthy of unconditional love no matter how we behave on this earth. From alarmingly violent to blissfully serene, human behavior is what it is. To our souls, it is all fine. Getting our souls to accept that there is anything wrong, abnormal, unnatural or evil about our behavior is impossible. Under no circumstances will our souls ever feel bad about us for behaving as humans.

So when we attempt to get any of us to change our behavior by beginning on the the premise that there is something wrong with it, we meet enormous resistance. The whole thing becomes a battle. It doesn't feel fantastic to anyone involved because, on some very deep level, each of us understands it is not in harmony with who we really are. Our souls simply won't accept our negative opinions of ourselves. We create disord... thus the resistance, thus all the bad feelings.

Unconditional love is what allows horses to live in the moment and to offer us humans reflection without judgement. From birth to death horses are one hundred percent accepting of themselves.  That is the spirit of the horse, the spirit that inspires us to want everyone to do right by them... and all the while our own spirits are telling us we cannot do wrong. The only time we worry, fret, get mad or indignant about what anyone is doing to a horse is when we are in opposition with our souls' opinion of us.

We all become so much more joyful, interesting and fun to be around when we embrace unconditional love and seek out ways to apply it in our daily lives. I was thinking about that when a thought occurred to me. You know how the golden rule is to treat others the way we want to be treated? It's really easy to follow when we all agree, but it's most important for us to follow it when we don't. Perhaps we horse-lovers would have an easier time doing that if we thought of it like this: treat others the way we want others to treat horses. That's one suggestion. I so hope you will share yours.

We honor the spirit of the horse by honoring the spirit of the rider. Nature won't have it any other way. 

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