GETTING MORE JOY OUT OF YOUR JOURNEY

Beau enjoying green pastures...

Greetings, friends! I'm back after a refreshing hiatus that lasted longer than planned. Although I've periodically posted to my Facebook page, my last blog entry was in March. Since then, I sold my house in Michigan and moved to Illinois just in time for summer to steam up. And up, and UP! I prefer not to ride in hell-degree temperatures, so I let Beau settle into the routine at his new barn while I did some traveling and other fun stuff. l'm sharing some pics but promise not to torture you with an essay on how I spent my summer vacation. This is a blog about horses after all, with the intention of helping you enjoy your journey with yours. Are you?

That's a question worth asking yourself on a regular basis because you probably got into horses specifically to increase the joy in your life. I'm all for helping horse people increase their joy because it increases positive energy in barns. That benefits us all, and our horses even more so. After all, they're the ones spending the most time there... living within the energy we create.

...and making new friends. (Photo by Birgit Spears)

So, if you're not enjoying your journey as much as you'd like... whether at the barn, work, home, or wherever... here's a little tip. Stop thinking you have to learn how to control your emotions. Just give it up. It's an exercise in futility.

Emotions are like wild horses that refuse to be tamed. That's because they were never meant to be. And, like horses, they are too big to overpower. You can try to suppress them, which so many people do, but it's the same as sticking a herd of wild horses in a barn in which they refuse to stay. They'll just start kicking the walls and eventually destroy the building from the inside out. 

Give up trying to control your emotions. Set your wild horses free to do their job, which is to serve as guides to your happiness. The joy comes when you steer your thoughts in the direction they are pulling you.

My pups enjoying the porch at our
new home.

When you think positive thoughts about yourself, a situation or other people, you feel positive emotion, correct? Of course you do because your wild horses are saying, "Yes, yes, yes! Come this way to happiness." Conversely, when you think negatively about anything your wild horses give you a kick. Doubt, anger, worry, guilt, fear, etc...negative emotion is nothing more than your herd saying, "Knock it off! Turn your thoughts in a better feeling direction." 

It might seem like it's other people doing the kicking, and that's because most of the world's population think people ought to feel bad for all kinds of reasons. That's the kind of thinking that gets people doubting their emotional guidance systems in the first place. For the sake of your own happiness, give up worrying about what other people think and start caring more about what you think.

And here I am enjoying Garden of
the Gods in Colorado Springs.

Your own thoughts, on every subject, matter to your happiness more than anything else. Your wild horses will always let you know if you are thinking in alignment with your own happiness. They are your direct link to your inner-being... 

...the divine part of you that knows you are meant to feel good about yourself all the time. You feel bad only when you think otherwise. (Kick!) 

...the part of you that knows you are capable of doing, being and having whatever you want. You feel bad only when you think differently. (Kick, kick!) 

...the part of you that knows others are meant to feel good about themselves as well. You feel bad about other people only when you think in opposition. (Kick, kick, kick!)

To truly enjoy every step of your journey, it's imperative you think about how your thoughts make you feel, and train yourself to reach for thoughts that make you feel better. It's not always easy, but it is always possible. Practice enough and you'll see. Get in the habit of thinking about things the way your inner-being does and you'll discover so much happiness wild horses couldn't drag you back to thinking any other way. 

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Enjoy your journey to the fullest by learning how to get calm, cooperative behavior from your horse! 

"Just got your book and I can't put it down! Packed with knowledge and instruction, can't wait to pass on the gold!"

-Katie Keller Trosclair

CLICK HERE TO ORDER & SAVE 15%

QUICK TIPS FOR SAFE, CALM HORSE-SHOWING

If you are traveling to horse shows this year and have even the slightest inkling that your horse might be nervous coming off the trailer, get out ahead of that situation now. Don't just wait to see how your horse will handle the show environment. Plan on helping him handle it calmly. Here are a few tips.

Up until the show:

1. Give up habits that don't work in your favor, such as thinking and talking about either you or your horse being nervous at shows in the past. The past is in the past. It means nothing. Let it go.
2. Remind yourself daily that it is up to you as the leader to set the tone at horse shows by staying calm yourself. That's your number one job. Everything else comes secondary to that.
3. Create momentum in your favor by thinking and talking about how calm you are going to be at the show, how you are going to breathe deeply and not overreact to anything. Your horse is going to feed off your energy, so talk about how you are going to provide all the cool, calm energy he could possibly need.
4. Most importantly, take your horse through some bomb-proofing exercises to prepare the both of you for sights and sounds at horse shows, such as tents, flags, loud noises, etc. Bear in mind that the purpose of bomb-proofing not to desensitize your horse to sights and sounds, but rather to get yourself in the habit of getting your horse to pay attention to you despite sights and sounds. (My book provides clear, concise instruction if you need help getting started.)

Day of the show:

1. Arrive at the show early to give yourself plenty of time to help your horse relax.
2. Once you get your horse off the trailer, take him for a walk around the show grounds keeping this important point in mind: for your walk to settle your horse's nerves, you must walk with that purpose and provide guidance toward that purpose. (That's the part many people don't get.) A simple but effective way to provide that guidance is to ask your horse to halt and back up whenever he crowds your space, pulls on the lead rope, or just seems to be paying attention to everything but you. Whether you have to ask for the halt/back-up five, ten, or one hundred times, it doesn't matter. What matters is that you calmly, consistently, unemotionally keep on asking until your horse is walking calmly by your side.

Allowing your horse to come into a state of calmness before warming up or asking any more of him will get your show experience off on a wonderful note. Good luck! I wish you fun and safety this show season.

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"Just got your book and I can't put it down! Packed with knowledge and instruction, can't wait to pass on the gold!"

-Katie Keller Trosclair

CLICK HERE TO ORDER & SAVE 15%

SEEING HUMANS THROUGH HORSES' EYES: It's a Life Changer!

In a lunging session a few weeks ago, one of my students was allowing her horse to crowd her space. I pointed out the issue but before she could get it resolved, the mare wheeled around and kicked her smack dab in the ribs. Turns out her coat absorbed pretty much the entire impact (shout out to Carhartt!), but it was a scary scene for a few minutes. Since her mom and sister were there, it was a frightening family experience, permeated by shock, fear, panic, doubt, worry... you name it. Later on that evening, it struck me that the one awful emotion none of them felt was anger toward the horse. I found that heartwarming, quite normal, and very interesting. If we can let animals off the hook that easily, why not each other?

Come on, I've seen horses bite, step on, and drag folks around without anyone getting offended. Yet people just have to look at each other the wrong way for feelings to get hurt... and drama, anger, disappointment, resentment, blah, blah, blah to ensue. When it ensues in barns, it sucks the fun right out of the places we go to primarily to have fun. Why do we do that to ourselves?

I was pondering that question when I happened upon a quote that read, "The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you." Well, there's a clue. Surely that very mindset gets us looking for flaws and mistakes, which gets us thinking we need to fix them. For what purpose? To be better people? Who's to say we're not all perfectly fine just as we are at any given moment? At every given moment?

When I'm working with horses, I can tell they know this about themselves. They never look for my approval or disapproval. In fact, they make it pretty clear that my opinion of them means diddly squat to them. I never see horses trying to be better horses. I see us trying to get them to do things in a better way, yet those who have the most success carry the belief that the horse are perfectly fine as is every step along the way.

I can tell horses know we are, too. While horses constantly challenge us to get better at what we're doing, they never offer approval or disapproval of any of us personally no matter what we're doing. It wouldn't occur to them to do so because they are too in tune with who they are. They are too approving of themselves to be disapproving of us. No wonder it's so easy for us to let them off the hook. They do the same for us all the time, which is what makes being around them quite pleasant.

In the interest of living a joyful life, I'm following their lead on this one. I have to admit that, to me, the only thing that's worse than feeling offended by other humans is the feeling that I am offensive to others for some reason. And we humans come up with plenty of reasons... an infinite, exhausting, never-ending number of reasons.

There's no getting to the bottom of that bottomless pit, although there is humor in attempting it. On the same day I found that first quote, I saw another that read, "Don't be an asshole to me because then I'll have to be an asshole to you, and I'm better at being an asshole than you are." I'm not going to lie, it made me laugh.

Still, I can't help but wonder who dreams of growing up to become an asshole? Nobody, that's who...and yet we all somehow seem to meet our fair share. And then we sort of have to become assholes to stick up for ourselves, or we have to become the "bigger person." What does that even mean? That we're better than somebody else? Seems like thinking that would make us the biggest assholes of all...at least until somebody who's better at it comes along. This is the maniacal merry-go-round that keeps on spinning, leaving the people on board feeling underwhelmed with...well, the people on board.

You can't expect anybody on that ride to save you, but you can jump off to save yourself. I feel like horses pushed me off that carousel, and I couldn't be more grateful. The way they see themselves has me looking at myself and other humans as perfectly fine as is all the time. Knowing I have nothing to fix, it's so easy to let people off the hook... and so freeing I don't even care if anyone returns the favor.

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"Just got your book and I can't put it down! Packed with knowledge and instruction, can't wait to pass on the gold!"

-Katie Keller Trosclair

CLICK HERE TO ORDER YOUR

COPY TODAY AND SAVE 15%!

TIPS ON TRAILER LOADING

When Jackie Krygier called for some trailer-loading advice, she already knew the trailer wasn't the problem. She just couldn't pinpoint what she needed to do differently. Throughout our conversation, I could tell she had already spent plenty of time laying the foundation for a wonderful relationship with her horse Beau. I got the feeling Jackie didn't need to do things differently...she just needed to do more of what she'd already been doing. More building of more trust and of more cooperation. Here are some tips I shared with her. 

First things first, don't overthink things about horses and trailers. Keep it simple by thinking your horse is happy to give you what you want, you just have to be very clear about what you want. Of course you want your horse to get in the trailer, but if you make it all about the trailer you'll lose focus and confuse your horse. Keep the communication between you and your horse... not your horse and the trailer. Try looking at it like this: you want your horse to step forward in a straight line, calmly and cooperatively, despite the fact that a trailer happens to be sitting there.

Jackie had access to a stock trailer, so she
practiced loading Beau in it first before moving
on to her own two-horse straight-load.

As the leader, it is your job to set the tone. To get calmness from your horse, you must remain calm. So pay attention to how you feel. Beau presented Jackie with an arsenal of challenges, so she had to get really good at keeping her emotions in check. Each time she felt frustration rising, she quit what she was doing, walked away from the trailer and took some deep calming breaths.

To get cooperation from your horse, you must offer cooperation. For example, as you approach the trailer, your horse will let you know when he's getting uncomfortable by coming to a halt. Offer cooperation by letting him stand there for a few seconds. If he moves his shoulders or haunches, line him back up in a straight line and relax. Proceed only when he is calm too. 

A good way to proceed is by asking your horse to take one step forward and two steps backward, then two steps forward and two steps backward, etc. This gets your horse paying more attention to you and less attention to the trailer. Keep in mind you're asking for straight steps. So if your horse moves his shoulders or haunches out of line, use your whip as an extension of your body (like a really long arm) to move him back into place.

Jackie reaches the whip to Beau's far side, and then his near
side...moving it back and forth as needed to remind him
to keep his body in a straight line.

Beau was a bit insensitive to the whip in the beginning, so we tied a plastic bag to the end of it (pictured above) to get his attention. It gave Jackie the edge she needed to prevent him from barreling his shoulder into her when she asked him to step toward the trailer. (Whatever it takes, make your horse understand that running into you is not an option.)

Once that challenge was solved, Beau began backing away from the whip instead of moving forward from it. Since horses prefer to walk forward instead of backward, asking your horse to back up more than he originally wanted to often solves that challenge. You can also guide your horse to back into something (a tree, a fence line, etc.) to get him to stop.

Not to be outsmarted, Beau then tried rearing a few times to get Jackie to back off. While rearing is a very normal, natural behavior for a horse, it can be pretty intimidating the first few times you're faced with it. But rearing can only hurt you if hooves come into contact with your body. So keep a safe distance and if the rearing frightens you, try to act like it doesn't. Jackie handled Beau's rearing like a champ. Each time, she calmly waited out his drama, and then asked him again to move forward from the whip. Her perseverance paid off. Beau eventually started moving forward cooperatively, which is something Jackie had to get before she could get him to step toward the trailer.

Jackie places a firm hand on Beau's rear to encourage him
to stay at the whoa...but she cautiously keeps her feet out of
harm's way in case he decides to back up before she asks.

Once you get your horse near the trailer, allow him to sniff it for a few seconds... and then walk away to allow him time to process the fact that it didn't hurt him. Repeat until your horse is comfortable sticking his head and entire neck inside the trailer. At this point, the odds of getting him to step a hoof onto the trailer are pretty good. When he steps the hoof on, again back him up and walk away. Then ask him to step two hooves onto the trailer, then three, etc. 

If your horse starts backing up before you ask him to, don't make a big deal of it and it won't become a big deal. But do start incorporating the word "whoa" into your practice... e.g., take a step forward, "whoa", back up. As you proceed, encourage your horse to hold the whoa for longer and longer periods of time. 
  
Make being in the trailer a pleasant experience for your horse. Give him some hay to much on, or perhaps some treats, and lots and lots of praise. Before attempting to fasten the butt bar, get your horse used to you moving it around, making noise with it, pretending to fasten it, etc. 

Take your time in your trailer loading practice. Sure, the ultimate goal is to get your horse on the trailer, but the joy lies in developing confidence in your leadership skills and in building a calm, cooperative relationship with your horse. 

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"Just got your book and I can't put it down! Packed with knowledge and instruction, can't wait to pass on the gold!"

-Katie Keller Trosclair

CLICK HERE TO ORDER YOUR

COPY TODAY AND SAVE 15%!

UNEXPECTED TRANSITIONS: Tips on Handling Horses' and Life's Sudden Surprises

Transitioning into the new year had me thinking quite a bit about transitions. When we know a change of pace is coming, we can plan for it. But what if a horse suddenly slams on the brakes or lurches to one side or the other? It's during these "surprise" transitions that many riders fall off or get scared. Often folks come away from these experiences feeling as if they had lost something important (confidence in themselves, trust in their horse, etc.) rather than gained something valuable. Then there are those riders who appear to have butts made of Velcro. It seems horses can't do anything to unseat them. What's their secret?

I recently gained some insight when I was met with a surprise transition of my own... one that did not occur on horseback. This particularly abrupt change took place in my personal life, which is something I don't usually blog about. But since we're talking about transitions, it seems a fitting time for me to transition out of my norm. Long story short, my beloved Gerald decided he no longer wanted to be my beloved. Apparently he made that decision some time ago, but I learned about it just before the holidays when a friend I haven't heard from in many years called to tell me his girlfriend had been cheating on him for several months...with Gerald.

Now, I adore Gerald. I have since the day I met him, and I was planning on spending many more years with him. From my perspective, we were two peas delighted to be in the same pod. I had no idea we were having problems, so initially you could have knocked me over with a feather... especially given the strangeness of him hooking up with my old boyfriend's girlfriend combined with the sudden discovery of his freakishly magnificent acting skills. But it didn't take me long to realize I have a Velcro butt of my own, at least when it comes to riding life's surprises. 

In retrospect, I gained this bit of clarity. It doesn't matter if it's your horse that decides to bolt or the man you love, unexpected transitions are what they are. Whether you are sitting in a saddle or in a chair at your dining room table, similar concepts apply to riding them beautifully. 

It's important to know not only where your center of balance is, but what its purpose is. In the saddle, your center of balance is in your core, that unseen part of you that lies between your navel and your spine. You have to feel for it to find it, and then allow the weight of your body to extend evenly from it. That takes a lot of concentration at first...a lot of consciously thinking about what your body is doing... because most of us have ways of carrying ourselves crooked without being aware of it. The purpose of your center of balance is to allow you to carry yourself upright and independently so your horse can move freely beneath you.

In life, your center of balance is in your soul, that unseen part of you that knows you are worthy of unconditional love and happiness. Most of us are taught we are anything but, so we learn to think crookedly without being aware of it. Try going an entire day without having a single negative thought about yourself or anyone else and you'll see what I mean. You don't have to go feeling around to find your soul because every emotion you experience lets you know it's right there...and whether or not you are in alignment with it.  Thoughts that feel positive are; those that don't are not. Your soul's purpose is to allow you carry yourself upright and independently, free to enjoy being yourself while allowing others the freedom to be themselves.

It's important to trust your center of balance. For you to trust your center of balance in the saddle, you must strengthen the muscles around it. It's only when you are strong in your core that you will be able to relax your limbs and allow your center of balance to do its job. Same goes for your center of balance in life. You've got to trust your soul to guide you to your greatest joy. You don't have to strengthen your soul. It's already incredibly strong. But you do have to strengthen your mind so it can relax and let your soul to do its job. 

While strengthening your core muscles calls for you to move your body, strengthening your mind calls for you to move your thoughts. It gets you thinking about the thoughts rambling around in your head, and then adjusting any negative thoughts until they feel more positive. Souls have only positive opinions about everything. So, once you start the process you will begin to discover feeling negative about anything is just lazy thinking.

Sink in. On horseback, this is equivalent to allowing your weight to drop down in the saddle and anchor you in place. Doing so allows you to feel as if you are one with the horse. In life, it is equivalent to allowing yourself to believe what makes you happy. You get to believe whatever you want, so why not? Try it for awhile and you'll start to feel as if you are one with the whole universe.

Practice regularly and with purpose. To get good at anything, you have to practice regularly...and with the intention of getting really good at it. You can't practice riding a bolting horse unless your horse actually bolts, but you can practice strengthening your core muscles, trusting your center of balance, and sinking into your horse rather than just perching on top of him. The more you practice these things, the more prepared you will be to remain calm and go with the flow should your horse happen to bolt.

I spent literally zero time practicing for Gerald to bolt, but I have spent a ton of time moving my thoughts around on many different subjects in effort to line up with my soul's positive opinion on everything. So, despite not foreseeing this transition, I was definitely prepared to go with the flow. I'm not saying it didn't hurt. It was the most disturbing pain I've ever felt in my life, which is why it took me about two seconds to let go of it. I don't like feeling pain at all. I like feeling happy. I can't control what Gerald or anyone else does, but I can always reach for thoughts that make me feel good no matter what Gerald or anyone else does.

It makes me feel good to think about the joy and laughter Gerald brought into my life. It makes me feel good to think I did a really good job of seeing the best in him and loving him unconditionally. As a result, I got to spend eight years of my life hanging out with a man I adore and thinking all the while he felt the same way about me. That was really fun!

Except for the weird and uncomfortable ending Gerald presented, I had an incredibly good time. So when he asked if I wanted to "talk about it," every instinct in my body led me to say no and I'm glad I did. I'm glad I let him walk away keeping his negative opinions about me and our relationship to himself. My positive ones feel positively great to me, and they are the only ones I want to carry into my future.

Unexpected transitions, whether on horseback or in life in general, are what they are. How we handle them is proof of what we've spent time practicing. Practice with purpose, my friends, and you will be prepared not only to survive abrupt changes but to thrive through them.