Female Equestrians - How We Fail Ourselves

In my opinion, men have an advantage with horses because they do not struggle with the concept of being mean to the extent women do.  It starts early on.  Tell a boy to hit a horse that bites him and he'll say okay.  Tell a girl to do the same thing and she'll say, "But that's so mean." Riders who can't bring the mean when needed get hurt by horses. Spend some time on Facebook and you will see how many girls believe the exact opposite. "All I know is that if I am nice to horses, horses will be nice to me," girls write.

Then girls walk into barns and see women being nice ("He likes exploring," says the woman who's horse is dragging her through the barn)...women going out of their way to be nice ("Something about that door scares him," says the woman walking around to the other side of the barn)... and women working extra hard to be nice ("He's scared of whips," says the woman struggling to get her horse in front of her leg.)

          

They see women avoid situations where they can't be nice ("I don't feed her treats by hand because she gets too pushy")... women insisting others be nice ("Hey, quiet down before you upset the horses in here")... and women apologizing for not being nice ("It was my fault, I never should have ridden him on such a windy day.") 

        

They watch women find excuses for the niceness not working ("The saddle must be hurting him," says the woman who got bucked off her horse)... and other women supporting this practice ("Yes, it's best to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he's getting too much grain. Maybe you should try a different bit. Maybe his hip joints are out. I know a good chiropractor.")

         

Girls see women remain nice no matter what ("He's always nipping at me but he doesn't do it do be mean," says the woman who's horse had bitten off her lip a year ago.)... they see women be nice even when they know they shouldn't ("I know I should get after her for being so pushy but I just love her too much.")... and they hear women condemning those who aren't nice ("Did you see the way she treated that horse? She ought to be ashamed of herself.") Is it any wonder girls struggle with the concept of being mean?

        

Girls hear women say, "You don't have to be mean but you do have to get your horse's respect."  What??? Why confuse them even more? Sometimes you HAVE to act mean to get a horse's respect! Horses teach this lesson the hard way every day! And right now there is a fresh generation of young girls primed and ready to learn this lesson from their horses too... yep, just like a bunch of sitting ducks. 

       

It is not enough that we teach girls to ride. We have to get them and ourselves over the handicap we created with all this senseless nicey-nice stuff. Until we do, this predominately female industry is failing its majority. THESE ARE OUR BODIES! We have a right to protect them, a responsibility to be mighty about it, and an obligation to act as MEAN AS NECESSARY WHEN NEEDED!

HORSE ABUSE - REAL OR IMAGINED? Things to Consider Before You Assume the Worst

Over the years, many people have told me they suspect their horses had been abused based on the behavior of the horses soon after purchase. Perhaps a horse came unglued if someone picked up a whip, had the habit of jerking its head back to avoid touch, or presented some other dramatic behavior a rider had not seen before.  

     

I cannot state emphatically enough that these behaviors are NOT proof of abuse. They are actually very common challenges horses present on a normal basis... especially when they are first getting to know someone, haven't been handled much in the past, or have been handled primarily by people who just don't have good leadership skills when it comes to horses. Seeing a behavior for the first time is less an indication that it is abnormal and more an indication that it is time for you to learn to deal with that particular challenge. 

A rider who assumes a horse has been abused will be tempted to treat the horse differently than other horses. She will be tempted to baby the horse and walk on eggshells around it... causing the horse to feel insecure, thereby forcing it to become more protective of itself around humans.  Ironically enough, treating a horse as if it had been abused is an easy way to cause a horse to act as if it had been abused.  

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A rider who suspects a horse has been abused will ask less and expect less of the horse, stunting the horse's emotional and physical growth. Even if the horse really was mistreated and you have solid evidence to prove it, it will do the horse no good if you let that knowledge change the way you go about dealing with the horse.  Get on with your training and let the horse get on with its future and live up to its potential. Horses live in the moment. Allow the horse to grow up to be a calm, confident horse by providing the same fair, firm leadership all horses need.

I wanted to weigh in on this subject because stating a horse had been abused is not a light-hearted comment. It is a serious accusation of a previous owner... serious enough to be based on proof, not false assumptions. If you truly suspect animal cruelty or neglect, report it to the authorities so they can conduct an investigation. But please understand that the horse world could do with more understanding and fewer rumors. When a horse presents challenging behavior, the only assumption you should make is that it is acting like a normal horse.