After tackling submission and cooperation in my last post, I thought it would be helpful to shed some insight on fear and respect. Many professionals tip toe around these words with statements like, "You don't want your horse to fear you, but you do want him to respect you." Sounds lovely, but it also sounds like a debate...as if there is something wrong with one and something right with the other. I think riders should understand that horses see right with both.
To gain clarity, it's helpful to look first at the definitions of the two words. Fear is a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger or pain. For protective purposes, Mother Nature endowed horses and humans with the ability to both feel fear and arouse fear in others. That capacity is a crucial part of the emotional guidance systems for both species, a part that helps protect us from harm.
Respect, on the other hand, is esteem for the worth of a being and offering proper courtesy. True, deep-down respect comes from understanding and appreciating the whole of a being, not just the parts with which we are initially comfortable.
Many people are comfortable with the gentle side of the horse's nature...but not so much the horse's stronger side, the side that causes them to feel fear. Quite often when horses start biting, kicking or threatening people, folks start thinking something is wrong with them. The horses' value starts to plummet...in people's minds anyway, but certainly not in the horses'.
One of the most interesting things about horses is that their own respect for themselves is always in tact. There's no reason for it not to be. Horses don't teach each other there is anything shameful with any of them, so they never learn to doubt or question their own self-worth. In that regard, horses do not need us to hold them in high esteem to feel good about themselves.
I believe this is what draws us to them, and other animals, more than anything else. It's refreshing, uplifting, and often a huge relief being in the presence of creatures that really, truly like themselves. There is a ton of worry associated with destroying that spirit but, as far as I can tell, humans do not have that capability.
We do, however, have the ability to misinterpret horse behavior. Horses that steam-roll their humans are often seen as spoiled...as having no respect. That's not the case at all. They are actually showing respect to their humans by bullying them. They do the same with other horses for two reasons:
- As prey animals, horses are driven by instinct to gain the strength and speed needed to defend themselves from predators.
- As herd animals, they are driven to help other members of the herd learn to defend themselves as well. Horses neither get nor give free passes on this because individual accountability makes for a strong herd.
Horses can sense a weak link like nobody's business. And when they do, they provide those herd members (whether horse or human!) opportunities to learn how to stand up for themselves. It is not disrespect. It is schooling. Humans who step up to the challenge become an asset to the herd. Those who don't remain a hindrance...and have no idea the stress and anxiety they cause their horses.
I think professionals in this industry can alleviate much of that stress by debating less and clarifying more. Nothing wrong with saying straight up, "It is perfectly reasonable to cause a horse to feel fear of you in necessary defense of your own body. Horses can handle it. They know there is something fierce in you. They need to know it is fierce enough to protect them. They will never come to fear you for it."
Folks who start realizing this do not all of the sudden begin gaining respect from horses. The horses' respect has been there all along. What they gain is an understanding and appreciation for the stronger side of their own nature...thus a deeper respect for the whole of the horse's nature as well.
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