Twice in my career I've played a part in convincing riders that their horses were not the right horses for them. Neither incident sat well with me. Both felt "off" somehow. The second one, in particular, changed me dramatically as a professional. It happened several years ago...
A young woman brought in a horse on a pre-purchase trial. In the course of getting to know him, she discovered that the horse was not adverse to striking out at her on the lunge line. When neither she nor her riding instructor could solve the issue, they asked for my help. I gave it a go, but the more pressure I put on the horse to move forward, the more violently he'd strike out with his front hooves.
The riding instructor thought the young woman should search for a different horse, and I agreed. My words to her were something like, "There are a lot of horses that don't have this habit. Go find one of them." She was really disappointed because she already felt some sort of connection with this horse. She decided to pass on him, though, based in part on my advice.
A couple of months later, a different instructor brought that very same horse back to the barn to try him out for one of her young students. I was concerned but, lo and behold, the striking-out was no longer an issue. The parents purchased him and he turned out to be a great horse for their teenage daughter.
It was a thoroughly humbling experience for me...and priceless. Here are just a few things I learned:
- My once poor opinion of that horse was not an accurate reflection of the horse. It was, however, a perfect reflection of where I was at as a trainer at the time. (I remind myself of that every time I even think of forming a negative opinion of a horse.)
- No matter how much I think I know, there is always more for me to learn... so much more.
- Telling someone "this is not the right horse for you" is really an inaccurate way of saying "I don't know how to help you succeed with this horse." It's inaccurate because it implies there is something lacking in the horse or the rider; whereas, the latter statement places the insufficiency where it truly lies...in my current training/teaching ability. (No wonder both incidents felt "off" somehow.)
Knowing what I know now, I'm loathe to say a horse "isn't right" or is "too much horse" for anyone. I feel like there is an over-abundance of that going on as it is. It discourages riders from exploring their potential as horse-handlers and trainers, and plenty of good horses fall through the cracks because of it. I prefer to support the "you can succeed with any horse you choose" mindset because it's the truth for every one of us.
I'm grateful things turned out well for that horse. He found a good home because he ran into a better trainer, one that drew out the best in him and got him over that aggressive behavior. He found a good home despite me, but I'm well aware of the fact that he could've wound up in a kill-pen had he kept running into the type of trainer I was at the time. Not my proudest moment, but one that impelled me to check my ego on a regular basis to give every horse a chance... and one that impelled me to up my game big time.
In the years hence, I've met many horses that presented the same striking-out behavior. I've gotten them all past it simply by being more assertive in asking them to go forward. If I had it to do over again, I would not give up so easily on that horse, or myself.
I'm glad things turned out well for the young woman, too. She wound up purchasing a different horse and is very happy with her decision. Just look at her, though...
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Ashley Tittle and Lyon, Hunters Run Horse Trials
(photo credit, here and above: Madison Collier) |
... it's not like she's some shrinking violet. How could I have ever doubted she could succeed with any horse? Again, not my proudest moment, but one that makes me strive harder to keep my ego out of the mix... to not saddle others with my own fears or inadequacies. If I ever have to say "I don't know how to help you succeed with this horse," you best believe I will follow up with, "...but I bet someone else does."
I know other professionals have thoughts on this subject, and I look forward to hearing them. How do you go about balancing your responsibility for the safety of your students while encouraging them to extend their boundaries as equestrians?
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" I am a huge supporter of your book. I had been thinking about selling my horse due to her behavior and my fear. Got to the point where I would have severe anxiety whenever I thought about riding. Saw an ad for your book on Facebook and thought, "What do I have to lose?" and purchased it. I have been working with her ... for a little over a week and the change in myself and her is amazing. Thank you."
To illustrate, here is a progression of pictures in which I'm teaching 10-month old Haven to walk on my right side. As you can see, when we started out she was walking well behind me and to my left. All I had to do was use a little body language to move her to the desired position...easy-peasy because of my super long arm. 
