A KIND TALK ABOUT BEING MEAN TO HORSE: Why Being TOO Nice is Not Nice At All

Put the words 'mean' and 'horse' in one sentence and you're bound to provoke passionate responses from horse-lovers! I created quite a stir with my last blog post by stating "riders who can't bring the mean when needed get hurt by horses." So many great comments warrant a follow-up. Mean is a harsh word, indeed. It makes us uncomfortable, especially when talking about the animals we love. As one reader put it, "The word mean shouldn't even be considered in horsemanship." I disagree. Many years ago I could have used a kind talk about being mean to horses. Other riders might benefit from such a talk as well, so here goes.

It is nice to be nice to horses, but being inappropriately nice is just plain mean. Since they are prey animals and we are predators, we must be nice to them to convince them we mean no harm. But while we are being nice we can't lose sight of the fact that we are not the only threat horses have to worry about. They can't do much for us calmly unless they have some inkling that we are tough enough to protect them from all the other predators. Riders who are nice ALL the time aren't very convincing.

When horses doubt our ability to keep them safe, they start asking us to toughen up and get with the program. They do so by presenting annoying, pushy, obstinate, spooky and aggressive behaviors. We tend to think of these as "bad" behaviors but they are not bad at all. They are just horses' way of telling us to do what we are supposed to do: be better leaders! Responding to these behaviors with inappropriate niceness, confusion or fear gives horses even more reason to feel insecure with us. Not cool, especially since horses have only one way of telling us we are letting them down in the leadership department - by escalating their "bad" behaviors. That is how nice riders turn nice horses into anxiety-ridden basket cases.

Don't go there. Recognize every "bad" horse behavior as a learning experience for you. Avoid making excuses for these behaviors (avoid that like the plague!) and just learn how to correct them effectively. Show your horse you have some toughness in you by learning how to make him mind his manners fairly and firmly. Develop good horse-handling skills by spending some time working with your horse on the ground in leading and lunging exercises. Then take your horse through some bomb-proofing exercises to prove to him you can protect him from anything. Don't just ride your horse's back - let him know you HAVE his back!

​Taking the first step toward becoming a leader prepared to handle anything might make you feel like a big meanie. That's because the energy it takes to buck up and be assertive is very similar to the energy it takes to get angry. While directing that type of energy toward horses seems mean (see illustration), it's not. It is infinitely nicer than being inappropriately nice. Take that first step to be nice to your horse...and to yourself as well. You'll get over feeling mean about it when you realize how much calmer it allows your horse to behave in your presence.

These folks are showing off their toughest faces and their meanest faces. Can you tell the difference? It's hard to feel/look tough and feel/look nice at the same time. I wouldn't leave you hanging. The mean faces are on the top row, tough faces on the bottom row.