ADVICE FOR ALPHA MARE OWNERS

Stephanie C. contacted me through Facebook with the following message...  “Suggestions for a horse that WANTS to be the leader?  Alpha mare… and no, I don't let her walk all over me. We butt heads. She will even try to herd my geldings away from me. First and last mare I'll ever own. She's good when she's good, but then she "forgets" and acts like she doesn't know anything. She is a TWH, ginger, and suffers from separation anxiety. And I admit it, I have little patience with her.  I'm just chalking it up to 1. mares, and  2. Tennessee Walking mess."

Whether we realize it or not, we all have the ability to create whatever reality we want with our horses. Often we set ourselves up for less than ideal realities by following lines of thought that don’t serve us well. We don’t do it on purpose. We just form thoughts and opinions based on things we hear, read, or experience.  Lucky for us, we have free will.  We can simply let go of ideas that do not serve us or exchange them for ones that serve us better.

Stephanie, right now you are following some lines of thought that put you at odds with your mare. You’ll have a much easier time getting her to behave calmly for you if start on the assumption that her breed or gender will not prevent you from doing so.  You will also make life easier on yourself if you toss out the idea that she WANTS to be the leader.  

While your mare may enjoy being alpha in the pasture, that's not the case when she is with you. When you are working with her, it is too hard for her to do everything you want her to do and be the leader at the same time. This is the scenario that becomes so frustrating for horses, causes them to blow up, and causes lots of riders to get tossed out of the saddle.

Horses, all of them including alpha mares, are incredibly reasonable about doing what is in their best interest. Your mare achieved alpha status by proving herself best suited to keep the herd safe. She will gladly hand that job over to you when you prove to her that you are better at it than she is. You are already off to a great start. By not letting her walk all over you, you are proving to her that you are capable of protecting yourself. 

Now it is time to prove to her that you are capable of protecting her as well. You can begin by acting more like a leader when you enter the pasture. When she attempts to herd the geldings away from you, shoo her away. Tell her, “Thanks, but I'll take over now." Let her know that when you are among them, it is your job to keep the herd safe, not hers. If she protests, stand your ground. Let her see you as a leader taking the responsibility of leadership seriously. She will begin to see you in new light.

Meanwhile, here is something that will help you see your mare's behavior in a positive light. For her to trust you with her safety, she must make certain you are on your game all the time, ready to provide the leadership that will keep the two of you safe. She can only do that by testing your awareness. Your mare does not "forget" how to behave at all. She remembers to make sure you are on your game all the time. And she will keep on doing it until you are on your game all the time, as a leader should be. We tend to lose patience and get frustrated by this process when we think our horses have ulterior motives. They don’t. They are simply acting in their own best interests always...which consequently also happens to be in the best interests of the herd. It is an admirable trait. 

Stephanie, each time your mare challenges you, recognize that she is gifting you with an opportunity to develop and hone your leadership skills. Use those opportunities to the best of your ability. As you develop confidence in yourself, your mare will begin feeling more confident when she is with you. She will begin to enjoy spending time with you. Create that reality and the day will come when you will suddenly realize that her separation anxiety simply faded away.